Disrespect In Marriage:

If you feel disrespected in your marriage, I’m going to share with you the reason why. So, how many of you feel disrespected in your marriage? How many of you know people who are disrespected? Almost everyone would know someone, right? Disrespect is one of the number one complaints I get. After working with thousands of couples for decades, I’ve noticed what you would call the “Disrespect loop”. 

This loop starts with one spouse having a disrespectful habit or behavior towards the other. This could include having terrible anger issues. They could also just yell, scream and curse at their spouse because they don’t know to respectfully disagree or have meaningful conversations to settle a misunderstanding. Disrespect could also be in the form of flirting and cheating. This leads the other spouse to be extremely disrespectful. So when you don’t respect someone that you feel is not worthy of respect, you end up mistreating them.

You may talk to them in a rude way. You may be harsh. You may be passive-aggressive or you may be outright aggressive. What is the result of this loop? Frustration, anger, and emotional heartache take months or sometimes even years to heal.

So, what is the solution to break this loop?

You hold the key:

If you feel constantly mistreated or disrespected, make sure that you don’t have any of these habits. It is very empowering to realize that you hold the key. If you increase your respectful behavior, the other person will respect you more and this will help you break free from that loop. 

Do not be an enabler:

If you have a disrespectful husband or wife, do not be an enabler. Don’t just take it.  Being a good Muminah does not mean that you just tolerate being mistreated. It’s really important to speak up and say what is acceptable? I’ve seen so many people just tolerate abuse and disrespect for a long period of time, and they finally snap. This leads to more issues in a marriage. Therefore, it’s very important to communicate. Don’t just be a martyr in your relationship. If you are not going to express yourself, you are doing a disservice to your marriage.

When you express your likes and dislikes, you are setting boundaries. You need to have red lines. There are many people who don’t have any red lines. I ask my clients who have been cheated multiple times, “What is your red line? Where do you say enough is enough?”

If you don’t have those red lines, the person will take advantage of the situation. You have to establish those boundaries and make sure that you are a respectable person. If you have anger issues and find it easier to yell and scream, you are going to be mistreated.

Respect Yourself:

You need to respect yourself first. How do you respect yourself? When you respect yourself, you act in a manner that is respectable. When you act in a respectful manner, you won’t be disrespected.

I always have to give a disclaimer and say that there are individuals that regardless of how you behave if you are married to a disrespectful spouse or an abusive person, no matter how you behave, they may be rude towards you. There are those people who are abusive regardless of what you do. Here, I’m talking about how the average person will really respond. When you decide to place boundaries and make sure that you will not tolerate screaming, yelling, or cursing, it is very likely that your spouse will respect your boundaries. 

But if you are into screaming, yelling, and breaking things, don’t complain about being disrespected by your spouse. That is what I always emphasize in my marriage program, “The five pillars of marriage”. I always say in all my lessons that you must start with yourself and change your behavior.

Don’t just point the finger:

Don’t just sit there, complain and point the finger that your husband disrespects you. Take the responsibility, change your own behavior and see what kind of results you’re going to get. I see it every single time. When you see people make changes within themselves, their marriage transforms.

If you want to get some help and free information, I have my “Seven Gems to a successful marriage.” – a free PDF on my website.

You can also get free video training under “Courses” on my website. 

We often see parents complain about how their children are disrespectful towards them but how will the child act respectfully when the parent doesn’t? You might come across such behavior at your workplace too, where your CEO thinks, “I deserve respect no matter what.”  But when the leader is harsh and rude, they’re not someone that people will look up to, they’re not going to receive any respect. On the flip side, there are individuals who because of their calm demeanor, leadership skills, humbleness, and politeness, receive respect and admiration from everyone around them. People are naturally respectful to them.

So, I challenge you to overcome your negative habits, your disrespectful habits and see how your marriage transforms inshaAllah.