Is your marriage in a rut? Do you want to do something that will instantly make it better? I’m going to give you three very easy things to follow. These are the three A’s that are designed to change your relationship and improve your marriage instantly.

First and foremost, you need to have the intention of improving your relationship. We are told in our deen that we should always have the correct intention before doing anything in our lives. Every act of ours will be rewarded based on our intentions. Are you intending to this act to please Allah or do we have any hidden agendas? What you intend is how you will be rewarded for. Your intentions will have a direct effect on the outcome of your actions.

Therefore, if you have the intention to improve your marriage, your focus and energy will be on strengthening your relationship. There have been plenty of psychological studies that show the power of intention. When you intend to do something, you will automatically focus on taking action. This will make you more proactive and will lead you to have an action-based approach to life, rather than you expecting your partner to take the lead and set things right.

Now, let us take a look at the three A’s.

1- Attention:

So, the first aim is for you to give your complete attention. I’m talking about you giving your undivided attention to your spouse by keeping your phone aside and listening or communicating with your spouse without distractions. When you do this, your spouse will feel that you are valuing them. You know how when you see a counselor talk to their client, you find them looking directly into their eye and listening intently to what the client has to say. This makes the client feel valued and appreciated. They are then able to express their feelings freely and not feel uncomfortable. This makes them want to vent their thoughts out and feel understood. This is exactly what happens when you listen to your spouse. It makes the entire process very therapeutic. You can cut out so many misunderstandings and arguments using this simple yet powerful technique.

So, consciously take some time out and have meaningful, distraction-free conversations with each other. This could be when you’re sitting after dinner, having a meal together, or when you go on a walk together. Whatever it may be, take some time out from your day-to-day schedule and devote a special time that you would be spending with your spouse alone, with no distractions.

Be present and connect with your spouse. Be energetic and enthusiastic when you talk to them. Most of the time, our spouses don’t need expensive gifts. They need our presence, and only you can do that for them!

2- Appreciation:

When I talk about being appreciative, I’m not just talking about saying “Thank you for doing the dishes” or “thank you for the lunch”, etc. Although these compliments feel nice, and we have to do it every single day, there is something more to being appreciative. It is when you have a deep appreciation for the person irrespective of the flaws and weaknesses they have. Your spouse could be driving you crazy with some habits of theirs but when you acknowledge that you have your flaws too, and therefore, need to be appreciative of them for all that they have done, and continue to do, this will change the dynamics of your relationship. You will get to your spouse’s heart with ease. You will experience the kind of unconditional love that every couple wishes to have in their lives.

In order to strengthen your relationship, you should let them know that you appreciate them for the kind of person they are. Whether it is their caring nature or attentiveness, organizational skills or peaceful demeanor, being a present parent or their piety, whatever it may be, appreciate them for their positives more than reminding them about their negatives. When you acknowledge these beautiful characteristics that they have, they will feel loved and respected. This will make them do anything for you!

3- Adoration:

The third thing is adoring your spouse. While many couples find this concept of showing adoration to their spouse a bit over the top after a few years of marriage, this adoration and adulation can transform your lives!

Even if you are not comfortable doing this, try appreciating your spouse in front of your kids.
You could say, “Wow, your dad is so amazing in the way he does this. I love how he provides for us, etc.”

Similarly, men can say, “Wow, your mom is incredible. What would we do without your mom? What would we do without these amazing meals she cooks or how she keeps the house together?”

Although it is great to give compliments in private, appreciating your spouse in front of others raises their love and adoration towards you. It’s a win-win situation for everyone. Talking about your spouse in a positive light in front of your or their family members creates a different kind of respect in your relationship. More often than not, our spouses hear us talking negatively about each other in front of other family members, so this technique of appreciating and adoring your spouse’s good qualities will strengthen your bond.

So I want you to tell me which one of these three A’s would you inculcate in your relationship.

For further guidance, you can find some free courses and content on how to enhance your marriage. Also, you can download a free PDF from the website to benefit from it, Insha’Allah.

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