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Should you tell your spouse when something bothers you or is it better to overlook?

by | Feb 22, 2021 | Islamic Psychology and Spirituality, Relationship & Marriage Advice | 45 comments

Should you tell your spouse when something bothers you or is it better to overlook?

By Haleh Banani, M.A.

Haleh Banani holds a Master's degree in Clinical Psychology. A faith-based counselor, life coach, and mental health professional who has served the community since 1998 by saving hundreds of marriages and helping thousands of people around the world overcome their challenges and become the most amazing version of themselves.
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45 Comments

  1. Fadia Van Witt

    Assalamu Alaykum Sister Haleh. So happy I came across this advice algamdulillah

  2. Safia Athar

    Aslamualikum from Canada

  3. Safia Athar

    Most required topic. JazakAllah khair for discussing sister.

  4. Arbresha Ahmeti

    What happens when you speak up kindly but the spouse makes it a bigger deal

  5. Sally Kamal

    Self-Care Spa muslim therapist help as well

  6. Huraira Huraira

    Allah bless you very gud advice

  7. Syeda Ali

    My husband was like that used to correct me for everything for Ex: cook this, cut the fruit , vegetables like this do cooking the way we used to do in my traditional way Wear what I buy for you , do everything my way and I tried 11 years to keep my married life but now it’s going to end

  8. Creana Saif

    Bless you

  9. Creana Saif

    You are so kind for sharing this advice.

  10. Jahara Abellera Solaiman

    I think part of the trouble with this comes from partners who aren’t willing to listen, or to at least see things the way the other sees them (and we don’t necessarily have to agree with everything).

    Yes ladies, she’s right, we should share. And to add, I guess it helps when we communicate our feelings directly to the point, no beating around the bush, men’s communication styles are different from ours. And husbands who may be reading this, it’s a part of caring for your wives to really listen, because the more they keep it all bottled up, the worse things can get when the bottles explode. Provide them with a safe, un- threatening environment where they can express themselves and feel valued and heard. They’ll most likely return that favor to you when it’s your turn.

    • Dee P Arrow

      Jahara Abellera Solaiman I couldn’t agree more.

  11. Ana María Elkhessassi

    What if the spouse thinks that he is right and doesn’t have to change at all

    • Aisha Ansari

      They are all like that

      • Hayley Ross

        Ana María Elkhessassi They are all like this (great at defecting responsibility back on to you) but they get better after the first 5-10 years of marriage Learning to stick to your point without getting frustrated does help.

  12. Ana María Elkhessassi

    That’s how I feel myself, that I take it for a long period of time and I explode once in a while

  13. Ana María Elkhessassi

    Oh wow! SubhanaAllah just dealing with an issue right now and needed to hear that

  14. Lerato Kekana

    Shukran, stay blessed

  15. Lerato Kekana

    Salaam alaykum, from Pretoria South Africa. May Allah bless you. Shukran

  16. Shahnaz Bano

    وَعَلَيْكُم اَلسَلامُ وَرَحْمَةُ اَللهِ وَبَرَكاتُهُ

  17. Ogundeko Ifeoluwa

    Salam alaikun waramotullah wabarakatuh

  18. Maria Bailey

    Do you take insurance

  19. Khashiefah De Kock

    Could not have watched this at a better time algamdulilah , been feeling very emo & have no idea how to express my feelings across without breaking down completely shukr for this

  20. Maria Akkad

    It is better to talk about it

  21. Teresa Leggard

    Grateful for this advice, mashaallah. it makes so much [common] sense, but it’s helpful to hear it articulated so clearly.

  22. Qudrah Toyeen Sulaiman

    I can’t overlook…even when I promised not talk again…I just blurt it out…

  23. Qudrah Toyeen Sulaiman

    true..but when you speak your mind..they just can’t stand it…

  24. Zubeida Ottley

    Assamu’Aleikum Wahrematullahi Wabrakatuh. Nice to listen to your lecture once again

  25. Shireen Naude

    Assalaam to all…from Cape Town, South Africa
    Appreciate these guidance..Shukran

  26. Ali Shahzad

    You are so beautiful

  27. Fozia Ali

    I found when you tell what’s bothering seen as a complaint or your nagging. how do you deal with that

  28. Fozia Ali

    Assalamu alaykum everyone

  29. Fatim Kaba

    Salam alaikum waramatuillah wabarakatuhu

  30. Khawla Tabassum

    How can I mak it Sirat e Mustaqim.

  31. Khawla Tabassum

    Even if I share how much I should I share???

  32. Hawa Valli

    I think you should talk about it

  33. Khawla Tabassum

    Oh I need this sooooooo much

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