When you’re separated from your spouse, it’s very difficult to know what to say, what to do and how to get your spouse back. 

In this article, I will give you five incredibly powerful techniques that have been proven to win back your spouse, even if you are separated. 

You’d have generally heard advices asking you not to contact your spouse while others would insist that you contact them every single day and have a conversation of some sort. Neither of these approaches are good enough. 

Here’s the SMART way of getting your spouse back.

1. The “S” in “smart” stands for “Stop”: 

Don’t indulge in any kind of push behavior. Push behavior is when you are begging or pleading with your spouse. Yes, people do get very desperate and it’s natural to feel that way. However, when you are constantly begging and crying, trying to seek your spouse’s attention, it actually pushes them away.

Secondly, many people assume that if they cry and plead, it will make their spouse feel sorry for them, and they might take them back. This seldom works. 

Another push behavior is becoming overly possessive. When your spouse is trying to step away, it means they want some space. But if you’re hovering over them continuously, it will not help you get closer to them. 

Some people might in fact try to have a conversation with their spouse only to end up in an argument. This is something that pushes them further away. 

2. The “M” in “Smart” is to “manage” things together:

Be it your finances or kids, make sure that when you’re interacting, it’s pleasant and respectful. Don’t bring up old issues. The last thing you want is an argument or fight to crop up when you’re trying to reconcile. 

3. The “A” for “smart” is “allowing” your spouse to talk:

When you’re having conversations and giving updates, if your spouse feels safe enough to open up, make sure to give them that space. Let them feel comfortable to share things with you. If they speak about a financial difficulty they’re facing, try giving them the support they need instead of telling them that they deserve it or are responsible for it. When you create a safe environment, your spouse will open up to you and that’s the first step towards reconciliation.

4. The “R” for “smart” is to “respond”:

Respond in a very strong, calm and gentle manner. Now you may say that your spouse is not gentle with you. They could always be yelling, screaming or rude. But this is your time to be the best version of yourself. Be the bigger person. There’s never been a time that I’ve acted like the bigger person and have regretted it. Hold yourself to a higher standard and stick to your sense of integrity. Focus on pleasing  Allah and know that He rewards those who uphold good character.

When you remain calm, mature and sensible, your spouse would begin seeing a different dimension to you and would want to come back to you. If you’re going to be yelling and screaming, they wouldn’t really feel like getting back to you. 

5. The “T” for “smart” is to “take it one day at a time”:

I understand that it’s a very devastating feeling to watch your spouse walk away or even give you the divorce papers. However, if you take this approach of not being pushy, and tackling  things one day at a time, you’ll see the desired results inshaAllah. 

When you take a break from one another and focus on working upon yourself, you become the best version of yourself. And sometimes that’s what is needed in a relationship. Try these techniques to see how it transforms your relationship InshaAllah. 

You can also check out the free resources on my website, www.halehbanani.com under “Courses”.

May Allah bless us with spouses who are the coolness of our eyes inshaAllah. Ameen