What makes people dissatisfied or fed up in their marriage?

Usually it’s because they are not getting their marriage needs met. They are unfulfilled and frustrated.

The most effective way to improve your marriage is to find out your spouse’s needs and fulfill them.

Golden rule myth

One of the biggest mistakes that people make in their marriage is that they apply the golden rule of  doing unto their spouse what they would have done to them and considering how different men and women are this golden rule DOESN’T apply in the marriage.

Since the gender differences are so extreme, give your spouse the key to your heart by telling them exactly what they can do to make you happy.  Let them know what to do when you are sad to help you bounce back.  Tell them how to respond when you are angry to calm your nerves and comfort you without adding fuel to the fire.  Share the inner secrets of your heart to your spouse so that they can be a source of motivation and contentment.

Express with care

The key is to express your needs without being demanding, judgmental or demeaning. It’s not what you say but how you say it!

Say it with gentleness, compassion and kindness.  Whatever you do don’t demand your needs.  Don’t start going off about your rights and their religious obligations because you will totally lose them.  They will no longer be interested in fulfilling your needs if they are ordered to do it.  So instead of demanding your needs to be met request it.

Compare if you dare

Some people try to motivate their spouse to be better by comparing them to others the same way parents try to encourage siblings to outdo each other by praising one and not the other.  What happens when you are compared to your brother or sister who is so much smarter, more talented than you?  Do you suddenly get the urge to study and practice the sport or do you feel inadequate?  The only thing that is stronger than the feeling of inadequacy is the overpowering feeling of jealousy for the person you were compared to.  It doesn’t work with kids and it definitely doesn’t work with your spouse.  Instead of comparing your spouse simply tell them what you would love to see in them is a non-threatening, loving way.

Reciprocate

Be just as enthusiastic about learning about your spouse’s needs as you are about sharing your needs.  Actually, if you prioritize their needs and start implementing immediately you will see more willingness to get your needs met.

Focus on fulfilling your spouse’s needs on a daily basis and watch your marriage get stronger.

*For additional resources on improving your marriage, click here for Haleh’s PDF “9 Gems to Save Your Marriage,” and click here to access her free “Master Your Marriage Training Videos.”