Welcome to a Mindful Ramadan 2022 – leaving a legacy. This year, our goal is to inspire each of you to choose how you want to be remembered and ignite your passion to contribution, whether at home or on a global scale.

Our guest today is a dynamic, witty, and charismatic man from South Africa, who is everyone’s uncle and international consultant in education and human development. He has been headteacher of three schools and conducted numerous workshops in over 30 countries. A founding member of AMS association of Muslim schools in South Africa, co-author of manuals for schools, the art of public speaking from an Islamic perspective and premarital conversation and beyond, please help me to welcome our dear guests today Us. Edris Khamissa.

You have had the experience of training in over 30 countries. So what is your secret sauce? What is your secret in being able to identify with such a diverse group of people?

This was a prayer answered. I remember when I went to Mecca in front of the Kabah, I invoked Allah asking Him to allow me to use my talent throughout the world.

Whichever country I go to, I make sure to stay in touch with the people that host me there. Through these interactions, I’ve realized that the challenges faced by people the world over are the same – they feel pain, feel unfulfilled, are sad at home, have all kinds of issues that are interpersonal, and ultimately have issues with their relationship with Allah.

I’ve learnt that there’s nothing better than giving someone hope. When you ask Allah to use you in His service, you will be surprised how things happen.

How do you identify with so many people? Because you’re really able to connect and make people feel like they’re a family from the moment you meet them.

Firstly, I have to thank my mum and dad. I pray Allah grants them the highest level in Jannah. My mother was an extremely compassionate individual. Her softness moved me. Her compassion, care and selflessness for other people motivated me. My dad always said I should not be a spectator in my life.

Secondly, learn not to take life too seriously. Some people walk around all the time as if they’re constipated. Life has so much to offer! People often give the impression like everything is fine. They may have material possessions but deep down, they’re crying and are in pain. When you are able to connect to the hearts of people, when you are present with them, it is so validating for them.

The third thing is to be the best listener in the world. Psychologists will tell you that revealing is healing. When you listen to others, they feel like a burden is lifted off their shoulders. You should learn to listen not only to the words but also to their emotions. Try to be nonjudgmental.

I came across a saying that the best exercise to do is to uplift people.

Our Prophet (PBUH) said there is no goodness in a person who neither befriends or is befriended.

It’s therefore important to connect with people around us and be emotionally present. I don’t feel intimidated by anyone because I want to learn from everyone no matter who they are.

Many of the men in our communities have had to mask their emotions. They have been told that boys don’t cry and they need to toughen up. When they get married, they’re unable to be emotionally present. They are unable to express themselves. So what would be your advice to men who have a difficult time doing this? What would be your advice for men to be more expressive and to be emotionally present for their spouse?

At every given moment, we are subjected to some emotion that informs our thoughts and our behavior. One of the recurring issues our beloved sisters have is that they feel their husbands never express their emotions. They don’t demonstrate love or affection.

We have to look at the prophetic example. He (PBUH) was so excited. He showed his emotions. There was no discrepancy between his smile and what he felt inside.

A gentleman is gentle. A gentleman is compassionate and caring. There is nothing more beautiful than hugging your spouse and reassuring them that you care for them! In Islam, we know that spouses are garments for each other. it’s about being protective, being intimate, and beautifying your spouse by concealing their shortcomings and accentuating their positives!

Marriage is not just about physical safety. It’s about providing emotional safety to your spouse. Being a man is about being a gentleman. It’s about healthy masculinity. It’s not about being harsh. You must be present to defend your spouse. You need not shut down your emotions to do any of this.

What does it mean to you to leave a legacy of service?

Allah knows us better than anyone else. We have this one life. I remember coming across a title of this book by Robin Sharma, which goes like, “Who will cry when you die?” In that book, we learn to lead our life in such a way that when we were born, we cried and people were smiling, but when we die, we must leave it smiling and people across us crying.

A friend told me that his father told him, “When you were born, you were not in control as to who would come and celebrate your birth, but you are in complete control as to who will mourn your loss.”

It is not about doing great things. It’s not about appearing in the newspaper or on television. It’s about what you do on a day-to-day basis. Your interaction with the person you pass in the street or the community you find yourself in. It’s about how you engage with them. It’s about asking a stranger how they are. It’s about connecting with them emotionally to let them feel that they are valued and appreciated. If he’s happy, you must try to share his happiness. If he’s in pain, you must try to alleviate his pain. It’s about being authentic.

They say there’s a difference between a person of success and a person of significance. A person of success is often pictured as having a palatial home, with many cars, etc. A person could have a hundred pages about his CV, but it gives you no indication of what his legacy is.

A person of significance is a person who has impacted on the hearts of people. The people feel hope and love because this person sympathized and listened to them.

In the end, this is what you all want – leaving a legacy through your impact on others. It doesn’t have to be on a global scale. Interacting with the people that you come in contact with, putting that energy towards your spouse, your kids, the people in your communities has a ripple effect. When you’re nice, when you smile, when you show some attention, they will pass it forward. This has a beautiful impact on our communities.

You have such extensive experience in educating and working with children. How can a person recognize their strengths or recognize the strengths in their children or the students that they work with in order to foster it? How do we recognize the strengths within ourselves and in children? How do we take that strength and make it a legacy?

One of the most critical things that we’ve got to understand is that children come with a baggage of values, with an IQ, and with an attitude. As teachers, we are so concerned about cognitive development, about pouring in facts, and regurgitating what’s in the textbook that we forget the child.

A teacher was once asked what he is going to teach. His answer was, “I do not know what I’m going to teach because I have not met my learners yet.” He understood that teaching is about responding to the needs of the children. Every child wants the 5 A’s

• Acceptance.
• Affirmation.
• Affection.
• Attention.
• Positive attributes.

No matter how young they are, when they smile at you, if you respond and acknowledge them, it will be transformational in your child’s life.

A teacher is not a sage on the stage, but a guide on the side.

As a teacher, I was concerned about the well-being, happiness, and pain of my students. When you show that kind of concern, they get affected by it in a positive way. When someone is in a good emotional state, they can learn better. If you are harsh, you will restrict their minds and they will shut down. When you give them love and attention, they are like sponges that can absorb everything you say. They become great learners and you become their role model.

We must arm our children with self-belief and pour words of affirmation. We need to learn to emphasize the uniqueness of each child. We must have a home environment that is conducive for growth and emotional connection. The parents are like the soil, so if their relationship is always hostile, if they’re fighting, or if there’s resentment and cold war, the children can not thrive in that environment.

Was there anything else in your life that inspired you to lead a life in service of others?

My beloved father belonged to numerous organizations. For example, he was incharge of the blind society. He was involved with helping tuberculosis patients. He was involved in acting and so on and so forth. We grew up in a home where my father used to have meetings with lots of people, and that inspired me.

When I got into the teaching profession, I also got an insight into the family life of the children. They say,

“We are living at a time where if the father does the providing, the mother is deciding and the children are overriding.”

When I gave up teaching and became a counselor, I found that there’s no greater joy in bringing couples together, no greater joy than uplifting people, no greater joy than creating a home that has become a sanctuary, a place in which children and their siblings and parents are all very happy to be together.

What do you want your legacy to be? What do you want to be remembered for inshallah?

I want to be remembered as a loving husband, a compassionate individual, a person that was involved with the community, and a person that never left anyone empty-handed. I want the prayers of those that I leave behind to invoke His mercy upon me. I pray Allah grants me, my wife, and all those I love Jannatul Firdous.

How can people benefit from your beautiful words and your impactful programs?

You can check out my website www.edriskhamissa.com to see the programs and schedule appointments with me.
Lastly, I would like to say that as believers, we are expected to be optimistic. This world is going to be a test on us. We must just take the step towards Allah, and He will come running towards us.