Repair your relationship, huh? Waaaat, huh? I thought that Ramadan was just about reading the Quran and praying Taraweeh. Who’s got time for relationships? I have goals that I need to finish – like trying to finish reading the Quran, perfecting my recitation, and doing as many sunnah prayers as possible. I just don’t have time. I would like to go to my little cocoon and worship in peace without any distractions, expectations, or demands. I don’t want to be disturbed by that!

Sound familiar to you?

Well, you’re not alone. Most of my clients expressed complete annoyance with members of their families for being in the way of their worship. They are absolutely flustered about having to balance their marital life and their children with all the demands of Ramadan. The obvious solution for many is to ignore their spouse and children to get the maximum benefit (or think) of this blessed month. They justify their actions by thinking that it’s only once a year and that they can manage without extra time and care.

What if you’re missing out on the actual fruit of Ramadan?

What if, in the rush of reading and praying, you left out some of the most precious forms of worship that are being kind, understanding, and available for your loved ones? What if you step over a treasure chest of good deeds, neglecting what Allah values? I know that many of you are not convinced. You’ve got a list to complete, and there’s a limited amount of time in the day. I want you to reflect on this for a moment. Put the list aside for a while and think why Allah wants you to do these acts of worship. What’s the purpose of reading the Quran? What’s the point of staying away from food and water? What is the goal of standing in prayer? The purpose of all of these acts is to PERFECT YOUR CHARACTER. The Prophet Mohammad ﷺ was known for his exceptional character.

And indeed, you are of a great moral character. (Surat al-qalam 68:4)

It was through these acts of worship that the impeccable character of the Prophet ﷺ was shaped. I’m all in favor of setting spiritual goals and resolutions for Ramadan. Hearts are revived as the Quran is diligently read daily, fasting feeds the soul and taraweeh is like an IV that nourishes the powerful bond with Allah. I am merely saying that in Allah’s infinite wisdom, each of these acts of worship is designed to train you to have a better character. Instead of just reading the Quran, to be able to check it off a list, read it with understanding and reflection. In fact, try implementing the advice that Allah is giving you.

Implement The Advice

Allah is above all examples, but just imagine if you have an appointment with a guru like Brandon Buchard or that you arranged a meeting with Mark Zuckerberg. You want advice on optimal performance or need business advice and money-making strategies. Let’s say you were advised and were told to read their books. What if you just read them over and over but didn’t implement anything they said? How much will that change your performance? Will it improve your business if you just read and didn’t take action? You wouldn’t get anywhere!

It’s the same thing with the Quran. Though you will be rewarded for every letter you read, insha’Allah, you won’t reap the true benefits in your life. These powerful words of guidance will only transform you when you put them to use.

There are hundreds of verses in the Qur’an about compassionate living, forgiveness, charity, good character, and only one verse about fasting. Through fasting, we cultivate compassion and good deeds to fulfill the most crucial objective: good character.

Make The Intention To Repair

You may never have thought about putting any time and effort into your relationship because it’s the month of the Quran and the month of Taraweeh. Still, I want you to make an effort to improve your marriage as well. Make it a genuine intention, as well, the same kind of intention that you make to fast every 30 days without faltering.

 Hadith Nawawi: Indeed all actions are based on the intentions

But Why In Ramadan?

1. Everyone knows that a broken marriage drains you emotionally, depleting you of energy, concentration, and time. If you are in a fight with your spouse, you will not have khushu in your prayer or have the right attitude of benevolence. Once you fix your relationship, you will be better able to perform all your acts of worship.
2. The shayateen are locked up, so all the whispering about how annoying and frustrating your spouse is will hopefully come to a halt or at least slowdown.
3. You are fasting, praying, and reading the Quran, which all act as a cleanser for your heart. With a purified heart and a newfound closeness with Allah, you will be able to be more loving, forgiving, and compassionate to your spouse.
4. Rewards are multiplied. Think of that morsel of food you put in your spouse’s mouth and how heavy it will be on the scales. Now, if you actually play a role in saving your marriage from divorce, then you have hit the ajar jackpot! That is worth much more reward than sitting in seclusion and reading away while shooting dirty, cold looks at your spouse.

I’m sold, now what?

Now that you have made your intention to repair your marriage and you understand the logic of doing it in Ramadan, you are ready to begin. Remember, you are doing this to get the maximum amount of rewards this Ramadan through your marriage. It’s easy to read your Quran and pray lengthy prayers in isolation. However, it’s really tough to overcome your pride and repair your relationship. When you stretch yourself beyond your comfort zone, that’s when you can reach a new level of spiritual awareness. So get ready to stretch!

Here are some actions you can start immediately:

1. Forgive the past mistakes. Focus on the massive reward of reconciliation and your status with Allah instead.
2. Let go of the grudges. There is no need to drag an emotional mess with you throughout Ramadan.
3. Smile. Smiling is a charity, so why not give it generously to your spouse and kids?
4. Do loving acts throughout the day.
5. Get small, thoughtful gifts throughout the month for your spouse.

The Prophet ﷺ said:  Tahado Tahabo:  Give gifts to increase love

6. Spend at least 15 minutes a day bonding, reading, or sharing something each day.
7. Leave love notes around the house about the things you appreciate in your spouse.
8. Express gratitude. Give a series of thank you cards this month, expressing how you feel about them.
9. Listen to their struggles, dreams, and be a source of encouragement.
10. Be affectionate with words, physical touch, and loving acts.
11. Be a source of tranquility, love, and mercy.

And of His signs is that He has created for you from yourselves spouses, that you may find peace with each other, and He has placed love and mercy between you. In fact, in this are signs for thoughtful people.(Surat al-Rum:21)

Reading Quran –>Better Character

As you read each day, take at least one point that you can implement with your spouse. For instance, if you read a verse about kindness, then make a commitment to practice kindness that entire day. If you read about giving charity, then donate something small to the masjid. In this way, you apply what you are reading and reap the rewards. As your character improves, your marriage will also improve insha’Allah.

So when the Qur’an is recited, then listen to it and pay attention that you may receive mercy. (Surat al Araf:204)

Fasting –>Empowerment

If you can give up food and water during the day for 30 days, then you can do anything insha’Allah. Feel strong enough to overcome your shortcomings this Ramadan. If you are impatient, focus on deep breathing and not overreacting. If you are arrogant, focus on being genuinely humble. If you are mean, focus on showing kindness to your spouse. If you have a tendency to get angry, do your best to control it.

Who spend [in the cause of Allah ] during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people – and Allah loves the doers of good;

Taraweeh –>Patience

The hours spent in prayer need to instill patience in your heart. Demonstrate this patience in the way you talk, react, and live with your spouse and kids. You can’t pray for an hour, then turn around and say something hurtful to your spouse. If you are doing this, then there is something missing in your worship. The only way you can assure your acts of worship are wholly accepted is when you demonstrate the fruits of your worship in your relationships. That is having an impeccable character.

O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient. (Surat al-Baqara:153)

Use this Ramadan to connect every worship you do to strengthen your relationships by making sure that you extrapolate the essential character and lesson of each act. In this way, not only will you reap the rewards of this blessed month, but you will also strengthen your marriage, insha’Allah.

If you are interested in learning more about repairing your marriage in Ramadan sign up for my FREE video training: Ramadan Relationship Repair at halehbanani.com/ramadan