During the pandemic, we have not been able to get together as often with friends. However, even though we’re secluded, we are still connecting with them. Whether it’s online or through phone calls, we need to make these connections. What are the qualities of a good friend? I find that three qualities are critical in a friend.
Encouraging:
A good friend should be encouraging. They should encourage you to be your best self. They should encourage you to move forward, they should not hold you back in any way. The encouraging friend shows genuine love and interest in your growth.
They might encourage you to grow spiritually, to be healthier, or maybe they are encouraging your career. Whether they are encouraging you in the [deen], your career, or education, they should be cheering you on. Whatever it is, your friend should somehow encourage you to be your absolute best. They should help you move higher and higher in your accomplishments.
Avoid surrounding yourself with individuals that discourage you from growing. Some people act like an anchor that prevents you from moving forward. These are not friends, they don’t have your best interests at heart.
A good way to evaluate a good friendship is that you feel like you are growing when you are with them. Compare yourself with who you were before this friendship and who you are now. Have you made progress? Also, how does your mood change after being around your friend? After you have spent time with them, do you feel better? Happier?
Empathy:
Empathy is such an important thing to have in a friendship. You want to surround yourself with people who care for you, people who are going to look out for you. When you are going through a hardship, you need friends that are there for you. Whether they call you, send a message, or perform an act of kindness, they are showing that their heart is with you.
Good friends must make emotional deposits into your friendship. Without those deposits, without empathy, that bank account goes completely dry (or into the negative) and there is no connection.
Being a good friend means having empathy, being there when someone goes through hardship. Friends should show their support, their love, and their concern when you are going through difficult times. An empathic friend takes a little bit of extra time and effort to reach out when you’ve lost your job or are having financial difficulties or health problems.
Showing empathy strengthens your relationships. Those little moments where your friend reaches out to let you know they are thinking about you, that sweet message they sent, that call to say “I’m thinking about you” are all bits of empathy that show they care. Throughout your life, you will always need that empathy, that person who understands you and who will reach out.
Easy:
The third quality is a friend who is “easy”, people who are easy to be around. You don’t want to feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your friends. You don’t want to feel like they are going to be easily offended or they’re not going to be able to take things well.
It is very important to feel at ease around your friends. You should have friends that are easy to get along with. Friends that are understanding and can easily resolve conflicts. People who can accept when plans change or things don’t go a certain way. A true best friend is a source of comfort, not a source of the difficulty.
The prophet [Ali Asalam] emphasized that who we choose as our friend mirrors who we are. He said that if you want to know someone, show me who their friends are. We are the average of the five people we spend the most time around. Right now, you might not be getting together for dinner parties like before, but who are you connecting with daily? Who do you call all the time? Who do you follow on social media?
Your friends help set the standard of who you are. If that standard gets too low, you are not going to grow or progress. Be choosy about who you call a friend. Surround yourself with positivity. Surround yourself with people who lift you and bring you peace. Whether it’s work, family, or finances, we all have stress in our lives and our friends should not be a stressor.
Friendships should also be mutually beneficial. You will exhaust yourself if you are constantly pulling someone up and being there for your friends without getting support in return. You can truly be a good source of friendship for someone. You will attract those people who will uplift you and who you can lift too. People that will give you serenity and joy in life.
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