As parents, we try our absolute best to master the art of parenting, but we will inevitably fall short and commit mistakes. No matter how hard we try to make sure we are doing our best when it comes to raising our children, we might stumble and fall down at some point of time or another. It is but human nature.
However, realizing our mistakes and rectifying them can completely change our parenting journey and make it an enriching one for us and our children inshaAllah.
So, what are the top three parenting mistakes we have been indulging in knowingly or unknowingly? Read on to find out.
1- Not respecting our children’s feelings:
When our child is expressing their emotions and letting us know that they are feeling scared, angry, or upset, we often dismiss their emotions and feelings as nothing important. We ask them not to make a big deal out of it and brush their feelings as inconsequential. This teaches the child to suppress their emotions or not share what they are going through in their lives with us. This leads to huge parenting failure because not only should we as parents be their first source of comfort and safety, they must also feel valued and loved when they share what they’re feeling. When we acknowledge their feelings, they will have a sense of comfort and confidence within them.
So, for example, when your child says that he is scared of the storm, instead of saying there’s nothing to worry about or labeling them as being silly, ask them what you can do to make them feel better.
Discuss with them about why they are feeling scared in the first place. Ask them how they can overcome this feeling with you together.
This allows your child to brainstorm ideas and put an explanation to the emotions that they are facing. This leads to open conversations and also makes your child feel respected, valued, and cared for. This leads to a very strong parenting bond between you and your child.
2- Protecting them from failure:
A lot of times, as parents, we want to protect our children at all costs. We don’t want them to get hurt or experience negative consequences. We want to save them from all the heartache and heartbreaks they would ever encounter. This is far from the reality that they are going to face. Our children will be exposed to various factors in this Dunya which will test them, break them and build them up. Therefore, trying to be overprotective and preventing them from experiencing different scenarios only weakens them rather than making them stronger.
Some parents try to be overprotective by making up for their child’s mistakes instead of allowing the child to face the consequences for their wrongdoings. For example, when a child does something wrong or breaks the rules at school, the parent tries to protect them from receiving a punishment rather than teaching the child that they did something wrong. This parental failure is absolutely detrimental to the child’s upbringing. Parents make mistakes and prevent the child from experiencing consequences, we are teaching them that they are somehow extra privileged and special.
When the child grows into an adult, they will carry these feelings of entitlement into their workspace or marriage, causing unwanted heartbreaks to everyone involved. They will feel they are above everyone else. They won’t feel the need to be questioned. Such individuals cannot handle criticism or face the consequences of wrong actions.
3- Overindulging your child:
As parents, It is our weakness that we love to shower our kids with the best and kids love to receive it. Right? They probably have a long list of things they want. But if you’re constantly giving them whatever they want, this is also teaching them entitlement. They’re going to be very materialistic and have the “easy come easy go” mentality. They will have no sense of appreciation and will not value anything. It’s very important to not overindulge. This will teach them that they will not get everything they want because there will be a “yes” and a “no” to everything in life. This will help them deal with disappointments. When this doesn’t happen, they will lead a life that’s miserable and unfulfilling.
So, these are some of the top three mistakes that parents have been making. If we’re aware and cautious of these things, we can inshaAllah raise our children into individuals who are caring, responsible, and empathetic inshaAllah.
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Jazaki Allahu khair
As a parent its difficult to stand back and watch your kids experience bitter things .
Azwin Syed Ameerdeen
Very true
Abdulrahman Aljaber
Thank you for all your valuable advice and tips. JAK Haleh
Najat Al-shejni You’re welcome sweetie!
Assamu’Aleikum Wahrematullahi Wabrakatuh. Insha’Allah you’re all in best health AmeenThuma Ameen.
Muizzuddin Yahaya
Jazzak Allah khair
Invalidated their feeling/ ddiminishing their feeling and supress their emotions 2 protection them from failures and preventing them from facing any consequences 3 Over indulging our kids
Thankyou
Ali Daniyal
Jazak Allah Khair for sharing this!
Assalamualikum
Bless you dear Haleh for your efforts to help your community/ society.
Creana Saif Thank you so much! May Allah accept!
Haleh Banani AMEEN
جزاك الله كل خير
Aslm sis
JazakAllah sister
Jazakallah Khairan!
Thank you so much..Waleikum salam
Ma sha Allah…very insightful
Asalamualaikum sister
WaAlaikom asalam dear sister
Jazakallah khairan sr.haleh
For the emotions it’s as you said it’s what we know
Overindulgence specially the first kid I did that a lot
Alikum asalam sister
Assalamualaikum
learning
Sister I love your
Aslm will this be recorded?
Al Salamualykum sister
Kp mohammed
Mashallah so much beautiful dear sister in heart