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3 Steps For Having Passion In Your Marriage:

by | Jun 28, 2021 | Holistic Health and Wellbeing, Love and Intimacy, Relationship & Marriage Advice | 30 comments

3 steps for passion in your marriage

Hey, what’s up? So today, let me ask you something: Do you think that passion is some kind of divine feeling that comes to you naturally and can’t be imitated, OR can it be developed through your own efforts?

Well, let me answer it for you.

Although the first part is correct indeed, as passion can come to you as natural at first and even stay that way, it’s certainly not something that can’t be re-developed if you don’t have it already.

Truth is, there are many marriages where the word passion serves more like a ghost; you can’t see it because there isn’t any at all! Then there are also situations in which, in the beginning, people tend to be passionate about their marriage partners BUT as the sands of time keep falling down the hourglass, the passion starts fading away. Until there comes a day when POOF!!! There’s none left of it!

So here’s what we’re discussing today: Is it essential to have passion in your life, and what are the 3 ways to re-introduce a passionate marriage? 

PASSION: IS IT THE CHERRY ON TOP OF THE SUGAR INSIDE THE CAKE?

Now you may want to ask, is it necessary to have passion in your marriage life? Well, YES! OF COURSE, IT IS. IT’S VITAL TO HAVE PASSION BETWEEN A MAN AND WOMAN! 

A marriage without passion is like a rose without fragrance and color, with the only thing left being thorns that sting.

As some people may choose to believe, having passion in marriage isn’t equal to that juicy red cherry on top of the cake just as a means for decoration. Instead, it’s the sugar in the cake, and as we know, a cake without sugar doesn’t deserve to be a cake. So instead, it’s a pile of worthless materials pasted together.

Emotional Safety:

Now we all know what it’s like to be physically safe, having a shelter to live in and food to eat. But what about emotional safety? What about entrusting your emotions, thoughts, and ideas to your beloved and knowing that you won’t be made fun of? 

Knowing that the person involved knows the vulnerabilities and soft spots in your heart but won’t take advantage of them. Instead, they’ll protect and shelter you, accept you as a whole, both the perfections and the flaws.

This, my friend, is what we call EMOTIONAL SAFETY! Entrusting your weaknesses to your partner while still feeling safe at doing so. But, of course, the same goes the opposite way (them, in turn, opening their hearts up to you and feeling comfortable while doing so).

Alas, this magical feeling has either vanquished or never even appeared in so many relationships. Nowadays, couples tend to discriminate, ridicule, criticize and alienate each other at the slightest faults and mistakes. And once you reveal a vulnerability by chance somehow? YOU GET TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF!

You need to be doing this here to try opening up to your partner and make them feel comfortable while doing the same as well. If you do as told, you’ll be sure to bump across the long-lost sense of emotional safety we talked about just now and ultimately lead yourself to a marriage life blooming with passion!

Emotional Connection:

Most people in a relationship (especially when it comes to men) tend to complain about their partners not being comfortable spending time with them. They complain about not having intimacy with each other, as we often see in the movies.

However, the answer to it is simply a lack of emotional connection, where the so-called connecting to each other emotionally refers to having knowledge of your partner’s usual mood swings, likes, and dislikes. Now consider the other person having a bad day and is already close to erupting like a volcano. 

At present, they’re feeling snappish and are just itching for a good fight. Now you may judge the wind’s mood and direction and try to comfort your partner or even let them have some time alone. Of course, you can also try to find fault with them, but we all know what the consequences of doing that would be, with one of you thinking whether to use a bat or a stick to smash the other’s head, etc., while the other wants to pluck the hair off your head.

Why not avoid all that drama and those thrilling scenes whenever you can, just by establishing an emotional connection with your partner? 

How? By making choices like choosing not to yell at them when they make a mistake and instead of comforting them with words like, “No worries, it happens with all of us.”

Because, hey, those mistakes are what make us human beings!

And believe me when I say, when you patch up things on the emotional plane, life gets wonderful on the physical plane as well, with passion reaching as far as the high moon.

Spending Time Alone:

Remember those days in the past when you’d dump your kids at your in-law’s home while you’d yourselves have some “us” time alone? Ever tried that before? 

Well, what matters here is that you should start to spend some blessed moments alone with your spouse as this is what makes your heart tick, causes the love juices to flow down your veins, and lets the passion burn up hot. 

I know that you’ve got kids now, then there’s housework, office work, you’ve got to do groceries and pick up the kids from school. 

BUT, you NEED to find some space and spend time alone together. Maybe go watch a movie, have a drink or lunch together. Whatever just do whatever! I don’t care. What matters is that the “us” time isn’t kids’ time; it isn’t working time or any other for that matter.

For God’s sake, act like a couple for once. You aren’t just roommates, you know! So start working like couples, and I promise you the passion will reappear.

So those are basically 3 ways to revitalize the passion in your life and in your marriage. Which of them is your favorite? Don’t forget to tell me about it in the comments below. If you want to read out more blogs like this then check out our Relationship & Marriage Advice category.

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By Haleh Banani, M.A.

Haleh Banani holds a Master's degree in Clinical Psychology. A faith-based counselor, life coach, and mental health professional who has served the community since 1998 by saving hundreds of marriages and helping thousands of people around the world overcome their challenges and become the most amazing version of themselves.
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30 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    Not when married a narcissist

  2. Anonymous

    I love listening to you and I love the colours of your cloths

  3. Zaidah Tofie

    Indeed Passion is needed

  4. Samaa Nassar

    Thank you so much for all your efforts Haleh Banani ! I really benefited a lot from your videos and just seeing you makes me feel hopeful !
    Unfortunately I’m not able to open this video .. It worked in the beginning but then in the 3rd minute it stops .. is anyone else experiencing the same issue ?
    I would love to hear this topic especially!
    Thanks for your help !

  5. Creana Saif

    Important topic ..but video stopped playing after a few mins.

  6. Maya Hadie

    No passion felt since married

  7. Daouia Chebab

    It is an interesting topicthank you very much sister

  8. Nuzha Ishak

    Amazing topic but the video stopped playing at the 3:45 min mark

    • Umme Zayna

      Nuzha Ishak yes . Please share complete video .

  9. Fozia Ali

    Personally, having passion in my marriage means a lot to me and my husband as thats one of the most important aspect of marriage. We have date nights, we share our emotions which then leads to both of feeling safe with one another, alhamdullilah. Inshallah I will continue to do this so that it doesn’t fade

  10. Fozia Ali

    1. Emotional safety
    2. Emotional Connections
    3. Spend time together

  11. Fozia Ali

    Yes, its very important

  12. Fozia Ali

    Salaam all

  13. Khawla Tabassum

    How do you forget a slip your spouse did?

  14. Maryam Apat

    It’s sad if only the wife is willing to do it

  15. Maryam Apat

    I love this topic thank sis for sharing your thoughts

  16. Maryam Apat

    3. I wish I have alone time

  17. Maryam Apat

    #1.we dont have

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