What does it take to attract your spouse? Is being physically attractive or fit the only criteria? If you answered yes, then you’re only 25% right. That means if you took a test and got a 25%, you would fail the test.

In this article, I’m going to share with you the four aspects that you need to know to win over your spouse.

1- Physical Attraction:

There has to be some level of physical attraction. There is no denying this when it comes to your spouse. Sadly, in the first few years, people are generally very careful about how they’re looking at home and how they’re presenting themselves. And then little by little, after a few years, people stop caring about themselves. Taking care of your physical self is not only crucial to keeping your attraction levels up but is crucial for your overall health and well-being. Our bodies are an Amanah, a trust, given by Allah and we need to nurture and nourish them in the best possible manner. We must continuously work on ourselves to be the very best version of ourselves. When this happens, you will feel better and have higher self-esteem. This will automatically make you want to offer more to the people around you.  

2- Intellectual Attraction:

There needs to be a stimulating conversation between two people. You have to have things in common. You have to have a way that you can connect with one another. I have many clients that complain that they really cannot connect with their spouse. It may be that they’re in a particular field and their specialists create no interest in the other. So, it’s important to find some common interests. When you don’t have that interest, try to develop an interest in the other person’s areas of specialization so you can have something to connect to and talk about. This will show that you care about your spouse and are keen on his/her dreams and goals. This intellectual connection will strengthen your relationship. 
There are some people who tell me, “I run out of things to say with my spouse.” This could be because of a lack of intellectual conversations that you can easily fix if you read more, take new classes, or explore new things. As you explore, as you learn, as you take classes, you’re going to have things to share with your spouse, so never, ever stop learning and feed your mind. And when you have all of this information, you’re learning and experiencing, and you share it with your spouse, they’re going to find you so interesting.

3- Emotional Attraction:

There has to be an emotional attraction. This refers to how you make your spouse feel when they’re with you. Many of my clients complain about the fact that their spouse doesn’t spend much time with them. They’re always either at work, or on their phone, or with their friends, or at the mosque. And I ask them, how do you make them feel when they are with you? When they are sitting with you, or when you are finally going out together, what do you talk about? How do you make them feel? Do you make them feel appreciated? Do you make them feel like you’re interested in them? It’s how you make a person feel that will make them be attracted to you. This type of attraction is on so many different levels. 

So ask yourself how you make your spouse feel. Do you make them feel like they are valuable? If you are not giving them the love and attention but spend a great deal of time criticizing them, there is obviously going to be very little to no attraction at all. They will obviously not want to spend time with you. They’re not going to be very attracted to you because we are attracted to people who make us feel good. Right? 

So, give your spouse a compliment and be genuine. Say something that makes them feel happy. When you do that, then your spouse is not going to be able to get enough of you. It doesn’t matter how many decades you’ve been together. You can find people who’ve been married for decades, sometimes 40 – 50 years, and they still enjoy their spouse more than any other person, because that other person knows how to light them up. So if you learn how to light up your spouse, make them feel appreciated, and point out their good qualities, that is going to be a way that they’re going to be attracted to you.

4- Spiritual connection:

The fourth is the spiritual connection. We are naturally connected with people that have the same beliefs and values, right? So if you feel like you’re working towards a common cause, you are working towards Jannah together, you are trying to raise your kids in a manner that pleases Allah, you will automatically have a deep sense of attraction to your spouse. This type of attraction is the strongest form of connection you can have with your spouse.

Now, let us see how we can apply this in our relationships. I’ve been working with couples for the past 24 years who have been at very different stages of their lives. Irrespective of which stage of married life they are in, when they start addressing these things and start being the best version of themselves, their married lives dramatically change for the better. They realize it’s not just about pointing the finger. When you take responsibility and carve out steps to be the best version of yourself, become more active, eat right, reconnect with Allah, etc., then you will see amazing results inshaAllah.

Do it for the sake of Allah:

Connect on a spiritual level. Whether that is if you decide to pray together, go to the mosque together, do acts of charity, whatever it is that you do together as a couple for the sake of Allah, it will strengthen your spiritual connection, and will make you more attractive to your spouse.

The problem begins when people start living as roommates, they’re disconnected, they’re not connecting on all these different levels. So if you make an attempt to connect on a physical level, on an emotional level, on an intellectual level, and spiritually, then you are going to have that fire in your married life.

Sometimes, you may have a strong connection spiritually but could be lagging on the emotional front. Having a strong connection in all of the aforementioned entities is crucial to lead a married life that’s content and peaceful. 

So what are you walking away with from today’s article? If you need some free resources, go to www.Halehbanani.com under “Courses”, and find free video training programs to get started. Let’s make a new commitment that we’re going to put the focus on ourselves. Don’t keep track and be like, “Okay, well, I did this and you know, he didn’t see any appreciation. He didn’t do it back for me”. I want you to give wholeheartedly for the sake of Allah in order to please Him. When you do things to please Allah and you give to your spouse, whether it’s compliments or love, or even a morsel of food to your spouse with your hand, it will do wonders to your relationship.

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