Emotional abuse can have a long-lasting damaging effect on your self-esteem and your self-worth. Some researchers and therapists say it’s even more damaging than physical abuse and it usually comes with physical abuse. Now, how many of you know of an individual who is right now in an emotionally abusive relationship? Almost all of you know of someone, right? People need to know that this is very common. We see it sometimes within our parents, sometimes with siblings, sometimes in our own relationships, or with friends.
Today, I’m going to share with you the five signs of being in an emotionally abusive relationship.
1- Being Degraded:
The first one is being degraded. If you are constantly being degraded by a person, by your spouse, your parents, or whoever it may be, know that you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship. No one should ever put up with degrading remarks that make them question their self-worth and self-esteem. Degrading you could be in the form of them making fun of you, them being sarcastic, using you as the butt of their jokes and not showing you any form of respect. Whenever you share your aspirations or goals, they might go one step ahead and tell you you’re being unreasonable and absurd. Maybe you want to go back to school or start a business or work, whatever it is that you share, they may actually belittle you and make fun of you. This constant belittling is the first sign of emotional abuse. Now emotional abusive behavior can have a very long-lasting impact on you but when this is combined with physical abuse, it can get very serious. Now, you have an individual who is belittling you and giving you all sorts of emotional abuse.
2- Dominating:
The second thing is having an extremely dominating personality. They would dominate and control you. They control and dominate you. Now, this is when your spouse starts treating you like a child. They try to control every aspect of your life – Who you spend time with, where you go, how much you spend, what you spend on, etc. Now, some of that is normal within a relationship. You share, you exchange, you set certain budgets, but this becomes suffocating when it’s excessive, where you can’t move without getting permission. And the entire relationship feels very controlling. So, what happens when you start feeling this way? When someone is controlling every aspect of your life, it erodes your sense of self-worth, your sense of self-esteem, and your confidence. It makes you feel worthless. You become incapable of making any decision because you’ve been belittled for every move you make. You’ve been criticized and made to feel ridiculous and absurd. People living in such abusive relationships don’t have the ability, self-esteem, or even the confidence to make the smallest decisions. This can really affect their life in the long run.
3- Accusing or blaming:
What ends up happening here is that a person with emotionally abusive behavior will put all the blame on their spouse. They will never take responsibility. They won’t apologize. They won’t even make light of the situation. They can’t laugh at themselves. They’re extremely sensitive about being criticized and if they are criticized, and in the slightest way, they will overreact and make you apologize for something that you haven’t done because they suffer from a superiority complex. They feel that they’re somehow superior to you and that you have to submit to them.
4- Neglect:
When they feel that you do not comply, or do, as they say, they will cut you off. There will be the silent treatment which can go on for days or even weeks. Some of my clients have reported this to even continue for several months. The prophet (PBUH) taught us that we shouldn’t stop talking to someone for more than three days. It is your responsibility to resolve the issue and to have contact with them as soon as possible. What about doing this to your spouse, where you’re withholding love, affection, attention, and you even cut off the person from talking to them like their family and friends. This can get extremely tortuous on an emotional level.
In some cases, the spouse will get mad at them and many times, they won’t even tell their spouse why they’re upset. So it’s a guessing game. The spouse will just feel like,
“Oh my God, what have I done?”
“What have I said, why are they so upset with me?”
“Why aren’t they talking to me?”
This can happen at any moment. That is why many people who are in abusive relationships are constantly on an edge. They will describe their relationship as walking on eggshells. They don’t know what’s going to tick them off.
The abuser will punish you for not adhering to everything that they say or do. This can have a very long-lasting effect emotionally because when you feel that anything you say is going to end in an argument of the silent treatment, it makes you very scared. You will stop expressing yourself.
You will hold back your feelings, your needs, and your wants. This is not a healthy relationship. If you feel scared around your spouse, where you can’t share your feelings, where you can’t share what you need, where you can’t share, then this can really have a long-lasting impact on you.
5- Codependence:
The fifth thing is enmeshment or codependence. This is when the person sees you as just an extension of themselves. They don’t see you as a whole person. They don’t see that you are an individual who has their own perspectives, or choices. They basically see you as an extension of themselves. This happens in a Parent-child relationship, but it also happens with a spouse where they will constantly make decisions for you. They assume that you want what they want. They really do not see you as a separate entity. This will cause them to make all sorts of life decisions for you without consulting, sharing, or getting your input.
Can therapy help?
Some spouses who are being subjected to this kind of abuse would actually seek therapy hoping to save their relationship by changing themselves. But guess what? The spouse will respond to them differently. I like to describe the relationship as a kind of a chemical reaction.
If you have a chemical reaction and you change one substance, what’s going to happen is completely different. Some substances will be combustible. Others will just have no reaction. So when you change yourself, you’re changing the substance and the reaction will be different. Will your partner respond differently if you change yourself? Are they willing to learn? Are they willing to go through a marriage program? Are they willing to expand their mind and recognize that this is a toxic relationship?
If they are, then that’s great. I’ve seen people genuinely make a change, but sometimes, the only solution could be the fear of divorce.
But if your partner refuses to acknowledge that they have a problem, and if you are continuously walking on eggshells, trying to manage their emotions, that person is never going to realize how damaging it is. They don’t want to get help. This makes the victim completely depleted and vulnerable.
If you are in an abusive relationship, I want you to seek professional help. I have free training videos for a marriage that you can work on yourself. Make sure you’re aware of your behavior. If you make certain changes, establish boundaries, establish self-esteem, and keep your tawakkul on Allah, but don’t stay silent or passive. You must take charge of your relationship and your life. You deserve to be at peace. You deserve to have a sense of tranquility in your life. You don’t have to just live your life to manage another person’s emotions.
Head over to the “Courses” category on this website and see which one works best for you to help you to regain your strength and your independence, and make you feel capable.
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Aqsa Kanwal
Shumaila Javed janu is bat py aap Gorh karain
I feel
How to contact you
Assalamualaikum alaykum , it’s a useful topic
Useful topic
My husband does the same thing
Jazzaak Allah khair xx
Unfortunately, some parental relationships are emotionally abusive , if we apply your criteria
And the Islamic saying
انت و مالك لأبيك –
I think it s a Hadith , but I m not sure. It s a common saying anyway.
It translates to “ you and your money/ belongings are your father’s ” or “ are for your father’s benefit”
I m in my 50s ,immigrated to UK from Egypt, and seen lots of parents do not see how abusive they are to their children. Consequently .. I was quite lenient in my parenting. I allowed my children to stop me when they feel I m abusing them. Yes .. I did out of habit and culture. But I feel my children are God-sent to help me be better.
Yes true, my husband been abusive in every way for 16 years,
And now blaming me for everything and now have an affair.
I’m just struck need help to come out. Especially worried for children.
There’s no certainty in life in this kind of relationship.
It’s so true, it puts us off in every aspect of our life.
I have been in a toxic relationship that never changed for the past 20years I finally had the courage to speak.. When they make false promises to change they never will.
So inspiring
Its a great advice, thank you. You are right. I must say some people are beyond repair. They can kill you with their attitude. There is no happiness with some devil minded pple.
I don’t know why I watch, just by the title I already know, don’t really need it validated. It makes me feel stupider for sticking around.
Very high expectations from a woman
I wish men have ability to peek in themselves. They usually blame wives for everything
My ex husband is a narrist and borderline personality. My children and I are forever damaged from his abuse. My children are now young adults and they are still affected from his abuse. I hate my ex husband for what he has done to my children and I.
I wad married to my husband for 27 years , he was extremely controlling , verbally , emotionally , and mentally abusive to me and our 3 children. We all suffer from Depression from his abuse , I also have horrible Anxiety and PTSD , from years of his abuse. He has ruined all of our lives from all his abuse. Even thou I have been divorced from him for 6 years now I can t ever heal from all his abuse.
Watching g from NZ. Love this therapy session. Spot on well presented.
My goodness you are so right , I need to do something
Who put this across in a very gentle way.
You can’t change those type of people.
Love listing to you pray for Noeleen Thank you
I am with a narcissist and need help
I’m too drained to even think of asking for help but your talk has made me realise alot.thank u and bless u
It’s narcissism
You are ammmazing
Just wanted to say that something is always missing when explaining about degrading your spouse in public..alot of women belittle and degrades there husbands in public not because they are abusers….but because it’s the only safe place for the to breath and send a massage to the abuser that is imposible to send at home. Because at home they just dont listen
jazakAllah.
Omg u nailed it all on the head I been abuse 30 years now every single one of the five hè don’t do the silent treatment because I would love it it’s welcomed he should practice it I would appreciate it more than the average person if his mouth ever stopped it would be nothing short of a blessing I can see why some don’t like it but if I can do something to make him shut up I so would do it,but I need seriously a ton of help I am going to download ur jazz but he lito take internet away from me he takes my keys and phone and or fuses out of my truck so I can’t leave and he won’t leave me by my self any length of time and he uses aggressive violence to get what he wants and yes he physically Hits me I hate him and I seriously need to be rescued I feel like suicide is my only way to get away from him I just want AWAY FROM he is purest form of evil hear on earth please pray for me to get away from him I live somewhere very very small so it feels impossible to ecape this hell
Love
Been.through all of the above .now divorce stage
Thank you, I am from Malta Europe, will share.
So true
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Such an excellent lady who speaks with intelligence, empathy snd solutions
Covert abuse is psychological abuse like Gaslighting and chronic lying to your spouse due to their pornography addiction or emotional affairs
Really sad , I suffered from this awful relationship since 30 years, I moved forward and having two kids , I am a medical lab technologist and artist , he is alcoholic and edicts and owner of bar restaurant, he has pleasure for drinking and fun with girls , just wants have kids from virgin comes from Iran after 15 years living in British through so dirty single style and forced to get married by family having kids to transfer hesitance and followers family generations, since four years he took his mask and offered me divorce and he was waiting for kids to dependent, so keep saying you are sacrificed and play victim in front kids .so terrible, I was trying to be good as good by working hard and sharing all my money but since three years I found he is not willing to solve problem because he got more benefits from these conflict. So I see better him than before but I am a mom . And I love him and trying to help him but so energy consume and so I am tired .
Jazaak Allahu kheiran… I recognise myself from every point you mentioned…
Control at the same time wear ING a head scarf oops
Jazakalah sis
What about is happening parents and kids?
Some of these people R Social-paths, Narcissists, & Psychopaths & Can Be Dangerous. Notify the Police as necessary.
Dublin Ireland you are doing great work well done sending Love to all
Hi
ماشاءالله ماشاءالله ماشاءالله ماشاءالله ماشاءالله ماشاءالله ماشاءالله ماشاءالله ماشاءالله
I was the who has been abused for years by my husband..I left him finally after 32 years in marriage… Thank you so very much…you e great… God Bless your heart..
Blaza Dedovic Thank you so much
DCF of VERMONT!Talks to me like this!!! They stole my girls!!!
I am for years …. hard to build myself up
You are an amazing therapist , saying it So simply ! Very helpful as we try to make things better for all around us , remembering God helps those who help themselves. Get help and guidance for a better life !Thank you !
I will like to speak to you my daughter grow up in yeman and I need help
Abdullah Alhalaki
That’s my mom
She abused me emotionally and that really tortured me
But I’ve healed myself
Being degraded
Controlling
Neglect
Blaming
Codependency
I think for me someone should never stop communicate with their spouse its terrible
Thank you
Thank you for sharing these Topics MaShAllah
Thnks a lote
What you shared is what I went through with the spouse
I have experienced emotional abuse with spouse and just realizing this is not normal behaviour
TRUE
So far 2 for 2
Amiiiiiiiin
Ok so True. Solutions pls!
It’s not just men who behave in this way
Amen
Well done for educating those women who are subjected to accepting this form as life as acceptable due to their conditioning from childhood. Woman stand up for your rights and believe in yourself. Walk away there is better out there. Thank you for speaking out about this topic.
Well done . Keep up the good work.
How about if I have children with that kind of person ?
Oum Basmalah Moussaoui
Aamin ya Allah
Awareness programs are so essential. I wish our sisters and brothers would realize they have people who care and they should reach out. Your self worth is so important.
Walaikumsalam
Nida Hanif
#replay jazakallah
How do you help someone who was emotionally abused as a child and then ended up with a wife who does the same from time to time??
Good thing is the father has stopped but his wife does this
I’ve seen a brother being emotionally abused by his father as well as his wife like this
What if husband is being pressured by his family to stay in control and it’s constant battle in your marriage?
Very very nice & useful topic to select you
How can I contact you
Thanks so much ma.
True! but this are the only few issues. There are many more examples even sibbling and own parents can be emotionally neglect towards their child.
Syeda Sumayya
How about emotional abuse from in laws
What about emotional abuse from in laws.. It can stop but the effects are everlasting
Khadi Tiki Shes covering narcissistic abuse.
Aren’t these traits under narcissistic abuse?
Also men have extra marital affair and openly tells infront of wife and children
Thanks a lot
Ameen
Thanks for sharing, you are helping so many families.
This is helpful more than you know.
Lovey
What happened if the one that emotionally abusing you is the MIL and your husband doesn’t do anything because it’s his parent? He was afraid as she was so sensitive, he expects the wife to understand.
Exactly right..with my ex spouse. He was everything you mentioned including given me the silent treatment even though it was not my fault.
1. Constantly being degraded
2. Dominant & Controlling you
3. Acuse & blaming
4. Neglect, silent treatment & stone wall treatment
5. Measurement & Co dependant
Shiffa Gulzar
Amin Amin sister haleh,I request prayer pls am fed upp with themarriege, may Allah choose the best for me and my kids
It’s better to avoid some people for life. Not just 3 days.
What good are relatives if they constantly make you miserable.
Murtala Ayodele Tiamiyu pls watch this.
In most cases, you just need yo cut and run…These people will shatter you as a person.
Alhamdulillah I have met the kindest life partner and I have a different relationship unlike my parents’ relationship
Thank you. Assalamu alikkum
listening from Pakistan
Salaams… What uf the husband promises to change. Everytime… But does not stop his abusive ways?
Good subject. Becoz most are continuing- adjusting to this sort of life.
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله و بركاته
my wedding will be next month kindly give me some guidance
Try downloading sister Haleh’s premarital free pdf
https://courses.halehbanani.com/get-5-proven-techniques-to-make-your-love-last-a-lifetime
Aslmz, what if the man does not change? Keeps making that promise. But does not change?
Assalamu alaykum. Listening from Cape Town. Xxx
This is such an important talk. JazakAllah Khair.
Watching from Nigeria, thanks for sharing freely how to outgrow emotional abuse,may the good Lord reward you abundantly Ameen
I wish the men could listen to this!!
My parents have that kind of relationship and I don’t know how to fix my parents’ relationship. I feel aweful as a child not being able to do anything as I have my own issues. My parents make their issues my issues and end up becoming a mediator between them
Its not your job to fix it…it’s theirs.
Just make sure, you don’t carry that forward to your marriage/ relationships…if u can see any aspect of it in yourself, het help.
that’s sooo true
Assalamu alaikum. Listening from Trinidad
Bangladesh