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How do you want to be remembered after you pass away? What will your spouse, your children, your grandchildren, your friends, family, and neighbors say about you? How do you want to be remembered? It’s been a year now since my mother passed away and I am still learning from her life and legacy. Every single day, I am amazed at the kind of impact she had on the people in her life.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) has taught us to remember death often. When we lose someone, we must use that loss as a means to reflect and learn from their lives, in order to better ours. 

I got my family members to send in videos about my mother asking them to describe her characteristics and what impact she had on their lives. I was amazed at what I received.

In this article, I will share with you seven valuable lessons from my mother’s life, which we can implement in our lives insha’Allah.

1- Always positive:

My mother was always positive. She saw everything in the best light and she never lost hope. She had a strong conviction that everything happens for the best. Her hope, desire, and enthusiasm for life was contagious. Even though she went through many trials and was tested with the most debilitating disease, which left her paralyzed, she never accepted defeat in her mind. She didn’t get dementia, but she lost her ability to walk and speak. She was put on a feeding tube but she continued to remain optimistic. The physical and emotional pain of her illness never wiped her smile on her face. She had the most smiling face ever and would always greet others pleasantly. 

2- Valued her loved ones:

She valued her bonds of kindship. She made sure to unite people who were in conflict with each other. She always made peace amongst the family members. She made sure the ties of kinship were maintained and family ties valued. She came from a large family. She was one of seven siblings and my father was one of 11. She had 10 sisters-in-law and all 10 of her sisters-in-law had extraordinary things to share about her in the video. She made each sister-in-law feel like she was the most special. Nowadays, it’s very common to see people struggle with having one or two sisters-in-law and yet, she managed to have this impact with every single person, whether it was her sister-in-law, her friends, or neighbors. She made every single person feel like her best friend. When I’m counseling, I see so many people struggle in their relationships, whether it’s with in-laws, friends, or family members. They’ve cut ties and had outbursts, leading to very distributed family dynamics. But my mother was able to have and sustain good relations with everyone and was fondly remembered in such a beautiful way. I understand that there are times when people get on your nerves or upset you. They can act very unjustly towards you, but really be cautious about how you respond to that because this is how you’re going to be remembered. This is one of the most important things I learned from my mother. 

3- Character:

What I continuously heard from every single family member was her beautiful character. She had the ability to spread positivity, goodness, and love towards everyone she met. This is one of the exemplary characteristics of our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him), whom my mother tried to emulate his beautiful character. 

4- Charitable:

My mother dedicated the last 10 years of her life serving the underprivileged orphans. She took so much joy in being there for people who didn’t have the means to afford what they wanted. She would get them school supplies, medical attention, food, and clothing. It fills my heart to know the impact that she had on these individuals and the amount of love and admiration they had for her. So many people within our family considered her a mother figure and so did these orphans.

5- Considerate:

She was very considerate of the people around her. Today, we find so many individuals who are self-absorbed. They cannot see beyond themselves. It’s only about their own needs, their conveniences, and their preferences. If it’s going to interfere with their time or energy, no one will be going that extra mile. But my mother was constantly considerate of the people around her and everyone felt it. She looked out for everybody and she put others before herself. She really valued and respected everyone’s feelings.

6- Eager to learn:

She was always so eager to learn. She was an amazing example of being very enthusiastic and passionate about learning. Once she retired and moved back to the Middle East in her mid-fifties, she took swimming lessons. She took up painting. She started learning calligraphy. She was up to date with technology so she can keep that connection with her grandkids. And it was just amazing to see someone so dedicated to learning new things. My mother taught me that when you are constantly trying out new things, you will have a sense of purpose. And when you live a life of purpose, you’re more content and will have a more positive impact on people. Individuals who lack a sense of purpose or stop learning end up being very negative. They become depressed and lose hope in life. My mother taught me to always be hopeful, to continuously learn, and improve my quality of life. 

7- Wisdom:

She was blessed with wisdom. Her ability to resolve conflict, regardless of how difficult the situation was, was mind-blowing. She never reacted. She would reflect, think and then respond. That is how she resolved so many difficult challenges. I know of many family members who were very different from her. There were clashes and it was not easy to get along with everyone. She faced a lot of challenges but she turned every challenging relationship into that of love and respect. It was amazing to see her not give up and not retaliate. She dealt with wisdom. Wisdom is knowing what to say, when to say it, how to say it, and whom to say it to. And that is something that very few people have mastered. It doesn’t matter how many levels of degrees a person has. It doesn’t matter how much Islamic knowledge they have acquired. Wisdom is a gift that Allah has blessed very few people with. Wisdom doesn’t come with age because you sometimes see people in their sixties or seventies, not having even a small percentage of wisdom. Wisdom is something that we need to definitely pray for.

We pray that Allah gives us the wisdom to know what to say, how to penetrate the hearts, and to live a life where we will be remembered in the most positive way. What warms my heart is that I had the privilege of having my mother in my life for 50 years, Alhumdulilah, and I’m blessed to have these beautiful examples that she left behind for me to emulate and learn from.

Let us take this moment to make a commitment that no matter what our lives have been like up until now, what our relationships were like, we will strive to have a beautiful impact on everyone around us. Let us commit to leaving beautiful memories which people will remember us for after we pass away. Let us aspire to leave a legacy of good character inshaAllah.

I pray that Allah grants my mother and father the highest level of Jannah. I pray that all of us are raised in elevation. May Allah cure the ones who are sick and heal them completely. Ameen.

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