Live Session For Nisa Helpline That Supports Survivors of Domestic Violence
Summary by Staff Writer
Millions of people, all over the world, are being affected by the Corona virus pandemic. On top of this, we are dealing with a mental health pandemic as well. Whether it is due to staying at home, not being able to work, not being able to go to school, or other issues, anxiety and depression are on the rise. We need to address these mental health issues.
There have been a lot of changes in a short period. If we don’t learn how to deal with the challenges, properly, we’re going to start seeing marriages falling apart, rifts between parents and children, and an increase in individual mental health issues. We need to face this head-on and we need to learn how we can face these challenges in a way that is empowering.
Worldwide, we are going through this crisis together. Never before have we, globally, experienced going through so much together. Many of you are not used to this level of uncertainty about your life. You’re not used to this level of anxiety, depression, and emotional instability. Even if you are very familiar with anxiety and depression, maybe you have been struggling with this for years, it’s exponentially harder for you to deal with some of the current challenges.
How To Cope
Today we’re going to talk about how to cope with this in a way that will ease your mind. Some things that will help you and will take you in the right direction. I’m going to share with you a lot of the strategies that I use with my clients daily. I will be sharing with you some of the same strategies I share with clients that are struggling with some of the same challenges. Techniques that can help calm your nerves, have happier thoughts and learn to cope.
You can be powerful beyond your belief. How you deal with a crisis right really makes a big difference. Most people either crumble or give in to the panic and become overwhelmed. However, there are also those individuals who rise to the occasion and they embrace the challenges. They have a whole different attitude and results. I want to give you the tools that will help you rise to the occasion.
There are six human needs. The number one human need that we have is the need for certainty, the feeling that we have a sense of control. We want assurance that we are in a safe place, we have a job to go to, we have people who love us and we have that feeling of certainty about our well-being. This is a survival mechanism.
This feeling is being attacked in the current pandemic. Our sense of certainty is unstable. We can feel like we are failing. We don’t know if our family members are going to stay healthy. We don’t know how we are going to manage financially. There are too many unknowns right now and it is difficult to know how we are going to cope with all of this.
There are so many uncertainties and it makes perfect sense why we are facing a lot of anxiety. Our basic human need for certainty is under attack right now. We can help lessen this anxiety by focusing on things that we are still in control of. While there is a lot you can’t control, there are some things that you can. You can control your thoughts, your emotions, and your behavior.
Being in control of the things that you do have control over, making sure that you have some level of predictability in this very unpredictable life, that’s going to be crucial. If you choose to apply certain ways of looking at this situation, if you have the right mindset, have the right strategies, and can look at this as an opportunity, then you’re going to have a much better state of mind.
What is controlling your thoughts right now? One of the things that you might be struggling with and thinking about is what is going to happen? Am I going to be safe? There are so many things that are coming up and we have to focus on how we are looking at this. We have to choose thoughts that are empowering, thoughts that are going to call us.
Initially, most people believe that their thoughts are automatic, they just happen and they’re not something that can be controlled. You can control your thoughts. If you learn how it works. The first step is becoming aware of what you’re thinking and starting to recognize the dialogue going on in your mind. Now you can stop any negative thoughts, the ones that don’t serve you and you can change them to thoughts that are empowering or thoughts that are positive.
The same advice follows for emotions. We do have control over our emotions too. We don’t just have to drift along with feeling whatever we’re feeling. You have an amazing level of control, you can choose your reaction. At a time when everything feels like it’s falling apart, that is empowering to learn to control the way you are reacting to the situation.
I want to share with you some specific tips on how to manage your fear and anxiety. Some ways that you can tune into the thoughts and the emotions that you’re having. Your thoughts lead to your emotions, then your emotions lead to your actions and your actions lead to the events of your life. It is critical to be aware of this pattern. So many people are overreacting or feeling very overwhelmed because they’re not taking control.
While you might have a hard time feeling happiness or joy during this crisis, you can take control and feel much calmer. The goal, right now, is to just feel calm. You want to know that whenever you feel fear and your amygdala shoots you into a fight-flight-freeze mode that you can shut that off. It is mentally debilitating to reach that point. Instead, we need to shut that off, we have to get the parasympathetic set to where we are feeling okay. Your body is either in a state of stress and tension or it is calm and relaxed. It can’t be both at the same time.
One of the ways to trigger the parasympathetic system is by breathing. Controlling your breath is extremely effective. Deep breathing is great for stress management. Exercise, Tai Chi, yoga, even smoking, are all relaxing because you are focusing on your breathing.
Give it a try. Take a deep breath in, hold it, and breathe out slowly. Do it again. Take a deep breath in, hold it, and breathe out slowly. Do you feel how calming that was? This is going to be a powerful tool for you to use whenever you start feeling that you’re tense or anxious. When you’re starting to feel out of control, I want you to stop and take a moment to focus on your breathing. Work on calming yourself down by taking some deep breaths.
As you do your deep breathing, I want you to (Arabic at 14:15). “Verily it is with the remembrance of Allah do hearts find peace.” As soon as we start doing (Arabic), as soon as we are remembering Allah our hearts calm down. As soon as you start doing the deep breathing you start doing the (Arabic).
You’re going to do (Arabic). Whatever it is that you want to focus on. Take time to visualize what it is that you’re grateful for, visualize what it is that you are amazed about. Think about the amazing mountains, think about the universe, think about the digestive system of an ant, everything amazing that Allah has created.
Visualizing helps you refocus, it diverts your attention. This is a form of pattern interruption. It’s very easy to get into a cycle of negativity and stress. If you can’t stop that pattern, you can lead yourself right into a panic attack. You need to stop the pattern and interrupt it. Do the deep breathing, do the (Arabic) and start visualizing all the things that you are amazed about, all the things that Allah has created for you, all the things that you are grateful for. This will help you calm your nerves.
Then it’s going to be critical to think about the result, know that this is all temporary. Whether you have a marital problem, an issue with your health, or a financial problem, when you’re in the midst of a problem, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and difficult to see beyond the immediate issue. I want you to focus on the fact that this is temporary and you’re going to get through this.
Start with the end in mind. This is one of the strategies that high-performance individuals teach us, as far as achieving our goals. I teach my clients all the time, whatever it is that you want to achieve, you have to see it first. Whatever the mind can perceive and believe, it can achieve.
You have to be able to see yourself getting through this situation. You have to see that you can be at peace. You have to know that you can get through this, you are going to be healthy and your life is going to go back to normal. Feed these beliefs to your mind and you’ll instill hope.
Look for the light at the end of the tunnel. It may be difficult to see right now because we are hearing a lot of scary information about infection rates, deaths, running out of medical supplies, etc. This can be overwhelming when you constantly expose yourself to that kind of information daily. Instead, I want you to muster up the strength to think about the fact that we are going to get through this, and, someday, we’ll be able to go back to shopping and socializing like we used to.
Inshallah, ten years from now, when you look back on this time, I want you to be proud of the way you handled it all. You don’t want to look back and be embarrassed or ashamed about the way that you coped. Instead, be able to be proud of yourself. This is the choice that you have right now.
There’s nothing worse than remorse, nothing worse than looking back and wishing about how you could have done something better or handled it differently. Set yourself up for success. Take steps now so that you can be at peace with your decisions when you look back to this time in ten years. You want to feel like you dealt with all of this in the best way possible.
This is our global task and we’re going to get through it. Visualize that, visualize how we’ll make it through and how it will all go back to normal. If you can’t visualize it, then you’re not going to be able to put all the actions into motion. Together we can get through this by visualizing the result and knowing that this is a temporary situation that we’re going through.
The questions that we ask ourselves, and the questions that we fail to ask, shape our lives. What do I mean by that? A lot of times, when things happen, people end up asking “Why did this happen to me? Why am I in this situation?” This leads to many people questioning their faith. They start feeling gloomy because these questions are very dis-empowering. Those “why” questions are not very empowering.
How can we ask a question that will empower us? You can ask what you’re grateful for in the situation. Ask what you can focus on that will shift your mindset. You’re either part of the problem or you’re part of the solution. Right now, all of us need to have the right mindset, the right energy, the right (Arabic 20:48) to be part of the solution. Choosing to have the right mindset is extremely empowering.
Ask empowering questions that get you on the path to the right mindset. Ask what is good about my situation? What can I learn from what is happening? There are so many powerful lessons. You hear (Arabic) and so many people speaking about the lessons that we’re learning through this experience. Lessons of patience, gratitude, of understanding that we need to surrender.
One of the biggest concepts in Islam is to surrender. When you Aslam, it’s that you surrender to the will of Allah. We always have that choice to surrender and now we’re being forced to surrender because we can’t do anything about this. We can look at it as a training ground. We are training our (Arabic) to surrender. We are training our (Arabic) to do things that we don’t like to do. It’s kind of like what we do during Ramadan when we are training our (Arabic) by exercising discipline.
Consider that these trying times are your training ground. If you were in some kind of boot camp, there would be no point in complaining. There would be no point in saying that it is too hard and that you don’t like it. Instead, you focus on the result of doing this boot camp. You focus on the strength and discipline that you’re going to gain, the mindset you’re going to build.
Now is the time to build some of your mental muscles. It’s time to build your endurance and resilience. In this training room, it’s time to rise and seize the opportunity for growth. It is time to fight against the natural tendency to try and find peace by ignoring the problem or giving up. That won’t help you. You should realize that now is the time to learn to deal with what is happening. Otherwise, as it gets worse, it will affect us.
Ask those empowering questions. Ask what is the wisdom behind this? What is the wisdom of all the (Arabic) being closed? What is the wisdom of us not being able to see one another? I think we have taken so much for granted for so long that we are being trained to be so much more grateful.
We are being trained that all the little things that we used to struggle with and complain about are things that we are grateful for. Now we are wishing for those same things. It is through deprivation that we gain appreciation. Focus on the fact that it’s a temporary deprivation, like fasting. Within this pandemic, we’re going to have temporary deprivation from the things that we love and are accustomed to. Then, Inshallah, we can breathe. Things are going to go back. Having that trust, having that (Arabic) is critical.
We need to make sure that we build our immune system by doing all the basic things. You have to get up in the morning, even if you are depressed. Yes, that simple task may seem overwhelming for some of you who are depressed, and that your natural tendency is going to want to hide under the covers.
When it all feels like you are caught in a bad nightmare and you can’t wake up. You’ve got to face it, it’s not going to go away. You need to deal with it in a mature, responsible, God-conscious way. Get yourself out of bed, get a shower, get dressed in clean clothes. Follow a schedule or routine.
Many people haven’t experienced depression and they may not have that empathy. They may not understand how big of a deal depression can be. For those of you who are new to all this, maybe you’re feeling depressed for the first time, this might be the first time that you understand how much depression is a downward spiral. How you end not doing a lot of activities you used to enjoy and then you get deeper and deeper into depression.
You need to take control right now to stop sliding down that slippery slope. Wake up in the morning, take your shower, get dressed, and have a schedule. Make sure to have balanced meals and eat correctly because the instinct is going to be to turn to junk food and comfort food. Instead, take care of yourself and your immune system by eating healthy meals.
Stress and worry can lower your immune system. Your immune system likes calm and serenity. That’s why you want to focus on getting yourself to a place of peace, a place of calm. That is going to help your immune system. Get the rest you need to help. Don’t spend the whole night surfing the internet looking at the news or watching hours of television.
Then it’s about being mindful. Many times what’s happening is that people are either anxious about the future or they are remorseful about the past. People spend their time in these two places and this is what is causing a lot of the worry. What we need to do instead is be mindful, we need to be centered in the here and now. When you are present and mindful, you take control of the situation.
Decide that, from this moment, you are going to have a better way to handle it. You’re going to handle all this in a way that you can look back on this time and be happy with the way that you felt. You were strong, you were calm, you showed (Arabic), you passed the test.
If you focus on that, then you’re going to blossom. It’s about being in the present and not worrying about the future or being remorseful about the past.
Keep in the present moment, pull yourself to the here and now. This is the only moment you can control. You can choose to be calm and to have hope. Having hope will allow you to get through this. Your immune system loves that feeling of hope because it releases good hormones that help you feel better.
Avoid focusing on fear and thinking that everything’s going to be destroyed. Those thoughts aren’t going to empower you. I pray that all of us can use this time as an opportunity for service, an opportunity to work on ourselves right, and an opportunity to help other people. This is a time that we need to pull together and help one another through this.
Within my community, the Mindful Heart, we get together and we support one another with lots of positivity and lots of guidance. We’d love for you to join us and get that source of strength and get the right mindset. Come together to focus your time choosing to work on yourself because, if we don’t take advantage of this right now, we can just get sucked into all that’s going on around us.
https://www.facebook.com/russell.huber.3/videos/4021291627907110/
Take a listen
JazakAllah Khair. Your voice is very soothing
Asalamu’alaikum
From Irving,TX
Salam alaikum from Montreal
As always, your words were very empowering and soothing. Thank you so much for doing this. May Allah lift this ordeal, keep us safe, and bring us closer to Him.
That’s so sweet! Alhamdullilah that you all benefitted. Give your daughter a hug from me. Thank you for your loving message and your dua. I really appreciate it.
Assalamu alaikum I am from Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Nora Abdullah
Asalamu alaikum, your lecture is GOLDEN. Me and my four children were listening and my 9 year old said mama I’m learning so much. Baraka Allah feekee and may Allah preserve you and bless you and protect you in this life and give you Firdaws in next. Really I cannot thank u enough, may Allah reward you Habibti sister Haleh
As a single mom, coping with daughters negative criticism is a sole breaker. It’s burning inside. And if ignoring them temporarily helps , in the long run it builds more walls and grudges and anger.
Roba Shaaban May Allah make it easy for u sister … remembering Allah is ultimately in control is very important and He can make your situation better …sister Haleh gives some good advice…Alhamdulillah
Roba Shaaban It’s much harder when you’re a single mom. May Allah soften your daughters’ hearts and give you relief.
Haleh Banani Amin.
Mashallah what a great lesson!
Thank you
Neng Katua You’re so welcome!
Thank You, I will listen to the whole lecture later, I was fortunately able to listen to the last half of it.
Christy Lynn Glad you were able to make it!
Jezakillah sister
Jazakallah khair for delivering a profound message
Muhammad Tariq wa iyyakom.
Jazakallah o khair
Alhumdulillah for voice of calm and inspiration!!!
Manija Latif Alhamdulillah!
Wealykum selam
Getting too close family members exposes hidden feelings. Some sour and negative to a point of disgust.
Roba Shaaban it’s not easy to be with family if there is tension. Focus on what’s good about them.
Haleh Banani I try. Sometime it works other times it’s faced with resentment and you see the real hate in their answers or looks.
Roba Shaaban This is a stage they are going through and inshaAllah they will come around.
Thank you soo much for doing this!
Rumana Yasmin You’re welcome!
Aamiin
Salam alaikom sister Haleh.
I got stuck in anxiety with regards to the present escalation. The only thing helped me I am using my time at home to focus on Quran and Salat. Study soora Al Imran will give you in-depth understanding of what’s going on. Stop visualization negatively. Visualize hope
Muhammad Tariq mashaAllah that’s great!
We have to learn to stay grateful and positive as I have tried for 46 years since the age of 20. It’s a mindset and steps of our faith InshaAllah
Janice Maria That’s awesome mashaAllah!
Tina Louise Renshaw
But unfortunately we don’t find such appreciation stories and experiences….their is scary news everywhere….
Mariam Aziz I know…limit your exposure to the news.
Nacera Ben Siamer
Salam alaikom
MashAllah, beautifully put.
Asalamu alaikom sister Chicago here
Zaya Zed
Shjoon Ahmed
Oum Yacin
How many times we can do this breathing technique?
Mariam Aziz do it 4-5 times each time you feel overwhelmed or anxious.
Haleh Banani jazakallah o khairan kaseeran
As usual your sessions are amazing MsA MsA
Hebba El Sherif Thank you!
Many people are going out and hoarding things at grocery stores.
Rumana Yasmin May Allah help us to act with God consciousness.
MaShaAllah sister
Assalamualeykum
W’salam
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
As’salaamu alaikum
God be with you sister Haleh for advice
Anisur Rahman Ameen! Thank you.
Salam from Calgary
Thanks for sharing this Haleh <3
Eman Elshaikh You’re welcome.
Salam! From Murphy, TX
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركته
Asalama alaikum. Am from Nigeria
From Houston Tx
Walaikum Assalam Sister Haleh!
The music is on!