Assalamualaikum So, today, let us ask a very important question when it comes to marriage. How do you view your spouse? Close your eyes for a moment and think. What’s the first image that pops up in your mind? Do you see them as very pessimistic? 

Lazy? Helpful? Caring? Maybe you find them very annoying. Well, how you picture your spouse in your head is how they’re likely to be. When you see them in a certain way, you end up treating them in that manner…and guess what? You’re going to make them be that way most of the time. The way we choose to view our spouse is very critical. Most people choose a very negative lens to see their spouse. They will see the negative qualities and focus on those which they hate. And guess what! Whatever you focus on grows, and so, those negative qualities become more and more unbearable. 

What I advise is that you change your focus and start seeing them in a new light. Start focusing on the qualities that you do like about them. Let’s face it. All of us have positive and negative qualities. But it all goes down to what you choose to water and nurture that will decide the course of your relationship.

Allah says in the Quran:

 "And it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows, but you do not know." (Al-Baqarah, 2:216) 

Garden or weeds?

Let’s take your garden as an example. You have a beautiful collection of plants and flowers, but you also have a few weeds growing here and there. What would you focus on watering? The plants or the weeds?

Of course, the plants, right?

You want your plants to grow and bloom, not the weeds. 

The same concept applies to your spouse. 

Most people spend their entire time watering the weeds of their spouses and wonder why they are the way they are. I want you to change and shift your focus. I want you to shift it and catch them doing something that you like. Recognize the good qualities. The more you bring focus to their positive qualities, the more that will grow. 

Allah says in the Quran:

  "If you are grateful, I would certainly give you more..." (14:7)  

Therefore, when you are grateful for what you have, be rest assured that Allah is seeing and recording your attitude towards your blessings, and He will give you more of it because that’s His promise! 

The power of your mind:

In your mind, if you’re constantly saying that my husband annoys me or my wife annoys me, they’re so controlling and so unbearable, then that is what’s going to grow in your mind, and your heart is going to harden. 

Your behavior will be very hostile towards them, so it’s all about being aware, changing your mindset and thought processes about getting annoyed by your partner, and overlooking their faults just like how you would want your loved ones to overlook your shortcomings. 

The Shaitan works overtime to drive a wedge between the husband and wife. It is, therefore, not surprising that we end up dwelling on the negative qualities of our spouse more than being grateful for all the love, peace, and contentment they have provided and continue to provide for us. 

Shutting down the shaytan’s whispers, controlling the evil whispers of your nafs, while deliberately trying to shift your mindset from one that complains to one that’s grateful and positive will not only impact your spouse but also have a significant impact on yourself and your relationship with your loved one, Insha Allah.

Share with me how you’re going to adjust the way you view your spouse. How was it before? And how are you going to make that shift today?

Disclaimer: As always, there are exceptions to this rule. If you are staying in an abusive relationship, this rule does not apply to you. Your spiritual, emotional, physical, and psychological well-being is of paramount importance, and abuse in any form should not be suppressed or tolerated. 

Also, in case your marriage seems like falling apart, and nothing else works, give a try to my short PDF (7 Gems on How to Save Your Marriage),

FREE For Sure!

Also, I have many free videos and courses related to Saving Your Marriage on my site, halehbanani.com, so be sure to pay a visit if needed.