From Surviving To Thriving – With Imam A. Rahman Bashir – ARB and Islamic Association of Allen

Summary by Staff Writer

Most people have experienced some level of trauma in their life. It could be a physical trauma like abuse or assault. It could be emotional trauma like a bitter divorce. It could be a psychological trauma like neglect, bullying, or humiliation. The trauma could have happened over years or it could have been a single event. The trauma didn’t even have to happen to you directly, it could have been something you witnessed.

Whatever trauma you experienced becomes a part of you. It is stored in your body and your mind. Eventually, maybe after some type of trigger, it is going to show in your present-day life. You must address the trauma for it not to shackle you.

The first step is developing awareness. You need to recognize that the trauma that you experienced is going to impact you in some way or another. Many clients have come to me that were severely abused in their childhood and, now in their adult life, they are angry all the time. They couldn’t make the connection to realize that what happened to them when they were very young is impacting their level of peace and their serenity in the present day.

Once you have recognized how the trauma that you experienced is impacting you, you have a choice to make. You have a choice between being pitiful or being powerful. It may seem like an obvious choice, that anyone would prefer to be powerful. However, sometimes, because of the traumatic experience, it’s very easy to fall into self-pity. These bad feelings can become a part of your identity, you may derive your sense of importance and significance by being pitied and by being the victim.

This victim mentality prevents you from moving forward. You have to choose to move on. You can either be pitied for the rest of your life and wallow in how you had it so bad and how horrible it was or you can be powerful. Despite your challenges, despite whatever terrible experiences, you can use those experiences to change your present.

It is an amazing transition when you stop being a victim and stop pitying yourself. When you learn how to embrace the things that have happened and use those experiences to make changes in yourself and others. It is phenomenal and it is possible but you should, first of all, get help and support. You need that support that comes from seeking professional help. This is a crucial step to improving. You are likely stuck and you may feel like there’s no way to improve.

Almost everyone, every single one of you, have experienced some level of trauma at some point in your life. It could be divorce, it could be witnessing harm to others, it could be being emotionally neglected. If you recognize that this is somehow impacting you, then you have the awareness and you can make that choice between being pitiful or being powerful. You can choose to change. You can’t do anything to change your past, you can’t change what happened to you, but you can make a choice now to get help.

You can change how the trauma impacts your present and your future. That is what’s very empowering. You can get unstuck. Don’t feel like there’s nothing you can do. Right now, at this moment, there is something you can do to change your present situation and then it will impact your future. That’s a very powerful decision to make, to get that support and professional help to walk you through step by step. It can be difficult and overwhelming to do alone.

Another useful step towards overcoming trauma is recognizing that for everything that happens there is wisdom in it. I know that it’s very difficult to see that wisdom at times. Many people get stuck wondering why they had this traumatic experience, about why this had to happen to them. Oftentimes, they struggle with their faith as well. It can have an impact on their religious practices because they may feel that Allah didn’t protect them.

This loss of faith can be dangerous. As a faith-based counselor, part of my job is to help people back on track with both overcoming their trauma and finding their faith again. Recognizing that even though these horrible things may have happened, that there is some level of wisdom in it is a crucial step. There is healing in finding something that you can derive from this, finding a lesson that you can extrapolate. You can move past the trauma by not seeing it only as a horrible thing that happened but also seeing some good that comes from what you learn from it.

You can heal, you can recover. You aren’t stuck, you can move forward and get to the point of seeing that there is wisdom in all that happens. Trauma can be overwhelming and it can impact your relationships with your loved ones and your relationship with Allah. Many times, clients who have experienced trauma stop praying.

After a traumatic experience, people often feel like they have been abandoned by their family and by Allah. This can be a very painful and dark place to be, but it is very common. We need to realize that this is something that happens and it’s very natural and normal. We shouldn’t stigmatize or shame people for feeling this way. Maybe if we had been in the same situation, we would also feel this way. Put the judgment aside and have empathy in your heart for people who are experiencing this loss of faith, questioning their faith, questioning Allah, and questioning everything.

Start thinking about it that sometimes what you go through is a powerful lesson to learn. Maybe it was that you went through the abuse so you could learn to stop the cycle of physical abuse that has gone on for generations. Now, you are empowered with the knowledge to save your family, your children, and possibly even other families from that cycle. Something horrible can turn into something amazing where you are going to be an agent of change.

The things that happen aren’t arbitrary. It’s not just bad luck, everything is orchestrated by Allah in His infinite wisdom. He sees your shortcomings, He sees your strength, and He knows your potential. He sees your past, your present, and your future. Everything He’s putting in your life right now, the difficulties, the hardships, the sadness, are designed for you to go through. You will derive certain strengths and certain lessons to become a better human being.

Recognizing this can put your mind at ease. You have not been forgotten. You’re not just suffering needlessly. You are becoming an agent of change. You are no longer just a helpless, hopeless, powerless victim. When you accept that there is a master plan and there is good that can come out of your trauma, it brings peace.

You are stuck, your faith is suffering, your relationships are suffering and your past is impacting your future. You don’t have to live in this state of distress, you can change it. You can go from pitiful to powerful. To get beyond the turmoil that trauma has caused, you need to start doing that inner work. You need to work on yourself and you may need to get help from a professional.

I’ve dedicated my life to helping people overcome these traumas, to understand that, no matter what they’ve gone through, they can change things around. Mindful Hearts is a comprehensive mentorship program that can help you do all the inner work. Our beautiful sisterhood will help you build your self-esteem, develop your emotional intelligence or take it to a higher level. If you’re committed to self-improvement and being the best version of yourself, become part of our sisterhood at https://www.themindfulhearts.com.