Summary by Staff Writer

Even within the Muslim community, you may be surprised how many marriages are affected by cheating. On a daily basis, I have practicing Muslim clients come into my practice because they have caught their spouse cheating. Men cheat, women cheat, it happens all the time. Over the past twenty years I’ve seen it a thousand times. It is one of the most common reasons that people come for marriage counseling.

There are a number of signs to look for if you suspect that your spouse is cheating. If you see any one of these signs there might be a reason completely unrelated to cheating. However, if you see several of these signs, it might be a good indication that there is something going on. Look at the full picture and consider the whole list. See if there are several things that match up before becoming suspicious.

1. Secretive Behavior

If your spouse starts to become very secretive with their phone or with their devices, they may be trying to hide an affair. Maybe they never part with their phone, even taking it into the bathroom. Maybe they always turn the ringer down or turn the screen off if you approach. Look for behavior that seems to be excessively secretive. Why be secretive unless they’re hiding something?

2. Sudden Change in Appearance

When someone is cheating, they often become more motivated about how they look. They may start going to the gym more often, change their diet to lose weight or start buying a lot of new clothes. Again, look for other signs of cheating too. Wanting to get more exercise or look better might not be related to cheating if it’s the only thing you see.

3. Hostility

If you had been getting along just fine but are now, suddenly, seeing a lot of hostility from your spouse it might be another sign. Many people don’t want to feel like they are the bad guy so they try to justify cheating by creating “reasons” for their indiscretions. They put the blame onto their partner and claim that the spouse is not being affectionate or they aren’t giving any attention. If you find a lot of sudden hostility and nitpicking, if nothing you do is ever good enough anymore, it might be a sign there is cheating.

4. Schedule Changes

Has your spouse started working really late or taking business trips they never took before? Did they used to leave work at 5:00 or 6:00 and now they aren’t home until 11:00? While on occasion there might be an extra project but, especially with other signs, your spouse might be spending that time with somebody else.

5. Unexplained Expenses

A drastic drop in your bank balance or excessive cash withdrawals might be a sign that something is going on, especially if your spouse has no logical explanation when you confront them.

6. Defensiveness

If you approach your spouse about suspicious behavior and they become very defensive, they might be covering their extra-marital activities. Look out for reactions like “What, you think I’m cheating?” and “I’m not doing anything!”

7. Gaslighting

Instead of getting defensive, if you have brought up unusual behavior, your spouse might try to deflect everything back on you. They might try to make you feel like you’re in the wrong. That you are being suspicious or you’re acting crazy. They are trying to put everything on you to make you question what you’re thinking instead of looking at what they are doing.

The point of this list is not to create suspicion. Oftentimes, the spouse is the last to know and it’s because they, sometimes, blindly follow or believe their spouse. They never guessed that their spouse would have cheated. The list is so you can keep your eyes open.

Also, some clients have a strong feeling, an intuition, that something is off. Where they had a close relationship in the past, now their spouse is secretive and irritable. I advise, in this type of situation, that you take precautions. If you feel that there is something going on I would recommend seeking out professional help.

I’ve brought up this topic out of concern because so many people that I work with are experiencing this on a daily basis. I want you to be very cautious about jumping to conclusions based on one of these things, but, if you see that many of the signs are there, then there may be an issue.

There have been a lot of changes in the wake of the pandemic. It might be the time for you to reflect on what is happening in your marriage. Maybe you’ve drifted apart with all the extra responsibilities. Maybe you’ve been spending a lot of time together and now you’re getting sick of each other. Maybe things have become very mundane or monotonous and you’re bored.

If you want to analyze your relationship and see where you could build more emotional and physical connections, I have a number of free resources available. Check out the free video series Save Your Marriage under the courses tab or download the 7 Gems to Save Your Marriage PDF.

Start Saving Your Marriage Today,
Download the free PDF:
https://halehbanani.com/7gems