Have you experienced self-hate? It’s very common for people to have self-loathing and internal self-hate. I get so many messages from people from all over telling me that they hate themselves. They don’t like the person that they are. 

How does self-hate show up? 

Usually, it has nothing to do with your accomplishments or looks. It has nothing to do with what’s going on in your life because I have seen individuals that seem very accomplished outwardly but hate themselves internally.

How does self-hate show up then?

When you don’t care about yourself by not putting in the time and effort, you simply begin neglecting yourself.  This is the first step towards self-hate. Whether you realize it or not, if you’re constantly just ignoring and neglecting your health by not eating well or sleeping well, you are setting yourself up for self-loathing. However, a person would not stop caring for themselves unintentionally. There is usually an underlying issue where you don’t feel like you’re good enough and that you don’t deserve to take care of yourself. 

This is why we created the free Facebook page, “How to get healthy with Haleh” and “Healthy Muslim Women” during the pandemic because I know of so many people who are struggling to take care of themselves. Many people have neglected themselves because of the never-ending chores and responsibilities that have multiplied during the pandemic. Women have stopped prioritizing themselves.  

The Priority Pyramid

It is crucial to put ourselves first. I have a priority pyramid which is an inverted pyramid. On the top, we have to put Allah. He swt has to be our number one priority. Second, you put yourself as a form of self-care, not as an act of selfishness, but as a way of making sure that you’re tending to yourself.  When you take care of what you’re eating, the way you’re sleeping, the way you’re exercising, etc., you will have an internal self-value and not dismiss your needs as unwarranted. When people stop doing this, their physical, mental and spiritual health goes downhill. 

Self-hate is usually combined with lower self-esteem, resulting in individuals not taking care of themselves as a form of self-punishment. Whether you realize it or not, many people either punish themselves through starvation and become anorexic or indulge in overeating.

You are what you eat

Assess your relationship with your food. Always remind yourself that food is there to nourish and nurture you. It’s not a means to satisfy or take care of your emotional imbalances. This is the primary advice we give to our sisters on the “Healthy Muslim woman” Facebook page. We have health experts who guide sisters through every step to help them make clean health choices to maintain their overall health and well-being. Therefore, put yourself as a priority and take care of your health because when your health deteriorates, everything falls apart.

We often talk about having good relationships, whether it’s marriage or parenthood but every single relationship of ours depends on the relationship we have with ourselves. You cannot pour from an empty cup. When you are in good physical and mental health, you will be in a much better position to deal with all other aspects of your life.  

Do you beat yourself up?

Another sign of self-hate is when you beat yourself up and guilt trip yourself for every little thing. You need to stop doing that right now. There are people who struggle to even utter anything positive about themselves. They can never see their worth or value. When you struggle to appreciate yourself, you could be indulging in self-hate without even realizing it. 

Tolerating abuse 

When you think it’s okay to tolerate abuse of any form, you are not only allowing the abuser to control your life but you also end up hating yourself. Whether it’s your marriage or friendship or relationship with your family members, allowing emotional, physical or psychological abuse will have heavy consequences on your overall well-being 

If you have been experiencing any or all of the symptoms mentioned above, note that you don’t have to suffer in silence. We have a free Facebook page “Get healthy with Haleh” where we touch upon physical and emotional well-being. We have experts who will help you with professional advice on how to eat right, live well, and find the much-needed motivation to prioritize yourself so you can serve others better. These habits will automatically lead you to honor your health and well-being, making you love yourself the way you are supposed to. 

Your health and body is an Amanah, a trust given by Allah and you will be questioned about how you used it on the Day of Judgment. You will be asked about how you took care of it. You will be held accountable, so prioritize yourself inshaAllah. When you take care of yourself, you will be amazed to see how every other aspect of your life starts flourishing. You’ll suddenly feel that everything is falling in place. The time is now, so don’t procrastinate. Take care of the little things, and you will see the big things falling in place inshAllah.

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For further guidance, you can find some free courses and content on how to enhance your marriage. Also, you can download a free PDF from the website to benefit from it, Insha’Allah.