What is the one thing that you need to do before disciplining your kids? Let’s face it. It’s really hard and challenging to get kids to listen to you sometimes. They can give us a hard time and most of the time, it’s not always your fault. There could be many reasons behind unexplained tantrums and unruly behavior. Sometimes, children just refuse to listen to their parents and it has nothing to do with parents in the first place. 

So, what is the one thing that you need to know before you start disciplining your kids? It is to give yourself a time out. All of us are aware of giving children a timeout when they do something wrong. We ask them to have a timeout so they can gather their emotions together but it is extremely critical as parents, for us to give ourselves a timeout before we get into disciplining our children. 

Causes for emotional outbursts:

As adults, when we fail to manage our emotions and keep them under control, we end up overreacting or lashing out at our children, more than what is necessary. 

This could happen due to various reasons. We may be stressed at work have too many chores at home or could be dealing with financial issues. The triggers could be plenty and our children become easy targets for our emotional outbursts.

In such situations, we might end up saying many hurtful things or even giving physical punishments to kids, threatening them calling out names, or wounding them with words. This can damage the parent-child relationship permanently. 

Overreacting in such situations can leave a huge trauma and scar in your child’s mind, which they might carry into adulthood. 

What happens when you are angry :

You really need to reflect on what your mental and emotional state is before disciplining your children. If you are in a heightened state of anger and are furious, you’re going to overreact. 

That is because when you’re angry, the amygdala is the only part of your brain that is functioning. That is the fight and flight system. The rest of the brain shuts down. 

You’re not going to think clearly. You won’t even be able to listen clearly. So, you need to wait until your entire brain is functioning before you try to discipline your child. 

When you react prematurely:

What ends up happening when people don’t wait until they calm down? There’s a lot of regret. There are a lot of broken relationships and it’s hard to repair. Once you say those words or do something that is harmful because you didn’t manage your own emotions, it gets really hard to take it back. 

When our beloved Prophet (saws) was asked for advice, he repeated three times to not get angry because, in a state of anger, we say and do things we wouldn’t have normally done. We break hearts. Sometimes, people make a fool out of themselves in a state of anger. Relationships are broken.  We need to manage this anger. 

Here are four tips to help your get started: 

1. Give yourself a timeout:

Say to yourself that you need to cool off before disciplining your child. Give yourself 10, 15, or 20 minutes, whatever it is that you need, but give a specific amount of time for yourself. Change your state of mind during that time. You need to learn how to snap out of it and get yourself in a better place. During this time, you could go for a walk or take a shower or pray or make dua asking Allah to keep your mind and heart calm and help you think clearly. It could be anything, but give yourself a timeout.

2. Shaitan thrives: 

When we get angry, it becomes easy for shaitan to control our minds. We need to cut out his whispers before his prodding and waswasa get to you and make you behave in a manner that is very unlikely of our character. So, the next time you get angry or feel this unexplained rage brewing in your heart, seek refuge in Allah from Satan. Next, make Wudu if possible because wudu calms you down. 

When we are angry, we tend to break many beloved relationships and that is what shaitan loves. He loves to break relationships and connections between family members, between a husband and wife, between parents and children, etc., so keep shaitan away.

3. Deep breaths:

When you feel angry, stop for two seconds and take some deep breaths. When you do this, your parasympathetic system begins to work and it automatically calms you down rather than stressing you out.

4. Say calm words to yourself:

When you remind yourself that you are in control of your emotions and your emotions are not in control of you, you will be very careful with the kind of words you use on your children. When you’re angry, you’re just pumped and you end up saying things that are irrational. Staying calm helps you take stock of what’s happening around you before you can react. This one has a much better impact on your kids and you, and you will have lesser things to regret about. 

This is what I do in the Mindful Hearts Academy. I help you to learn how to manage your emotions and master them. You need to be the master of your emotions and not blame the people around you like your spouse or your child or the pandemic or the economy. You get the drift, right?

Controlling yourself can cause you to enter Jannah:

When you learn to manage your emotions, you will know how to self-regulate. When you have a conflict, you must know how to come closer as a family rather than break apart. This is something not many adults know to master. 

When you have your emotions in check, you can really bring out the best in the other person as well. This can actually lead you to Jannah because the Prophet (peace be upon him) said that the best of people are those who have the best of character. 

How many times have you come across people who are punctual with their prayers, Quran, dhikr, or taking part in voluntary community activities, but are rude and disrespectful towards their spouse or children at home? A person with true Imaan will try to master his character in his personal and public life.

When you intentionally hurt someone your worship and ibadah will not save you on the Day of Judgment. Everyone has a right upon you, that includes your family, your children, your spouse, your parents, etc. And they will be asking for their rights on the Day of Judgment. 

So if you’d like to learn about emotional mastery and keep your emotions in check, if you are of those who find it difficult to control their anger and frustration, join my Mindful Hearts Academy. You will learn to have control over your emotions and develop emotional intelligence that will help you to understand and react in a manner that brings solutions, not conflicts. This will help you bond deeply with your loved ones and bring a great deal of peace and calm into your lives. 

When you reach this stage of emotional intelligence, your loved ones will appreciate you more, your children will listen to you rather than rebel against you when you discipline them. When you are in control, you will be more reasonable when dealing with others. And this is what I teach you at the Mindful Heart Academy. Click on the link and register today. 

For further guidance, you can find some free courses and content on how to enhance your marriage. Also, you can download a free PDF from the website to benefit from it, Insha’Allah.