Most parents are guilty of resorting to yelling and screaming when they want to discipline their kids. This is the default approach for many. You get mad, frustrated and let go of your anger by yelling at your kids. This common parenting method could actually be ruining your children.

There’s been a lot of research done on the long term effects of yelling at the child and this is what they’ve discovered:

1. Changes to your brain:

Constant yelling and shouting at kids actually changes the brain and affects the body. When a person is being yelled at, there are alterations in the brain that bring about dangerous changes.

2. Low self-esteem:

The amygdala in the brain is responsible for the fight, flight, or freeze response. When this part of the brain is triggered, a lot of stress hormones are released. This leads to excess cortisol production in the body. This directly affects a person’s self-esteem. This pattern of yelling at toddlers while parenting and disciplining actually ruins our children. It affects them in ways we could have never imagined. 

Many of my clients complain about suffering from low self-esteem. This comes from being perpetually yelled at. Parents who yell too much, intentionally or unintentionally end up indulging in name-calling. You might label your child worthless, lazy, useless, or of no good. These words have an impact on the child’s brain.  Children take whatever the parent says and they tend to internalize it. They begin to think that whatever the parent is saying is accurate. This then becomes their self-talk in the future.

Can you imagine how dangerous that is? As parents, we want our kids to be successful and confident. We want them to be happy, but the way we treat them and discipline them has a direct impact on their character and personality. When we indulge in yelling, screaming, and insulting them, we end up doing the exact opposite of what we want them to be. We end up destroying them unknowingly. We ultimately shatter their image of themselves. We need to reflect on what we’re doing and saying. People with low self-esteem can have problems and issues in their marriage and productivity in life as well. 

3. Depression and Anxiety:

Psychological effects of yelling at a child have also been found to cause depression and anxiety. Many people who have been raised by demanding parents or parents who are very authoritative have grown up struggling with extreme bouts of anxiety. They become very scared of making wrong decisions. They refuse to take the initiative because their self-esteem has been battered and bruised from a young age. These children grow up into adults who are scared to speak up for themselves because they feel if they say the wrong thing, they’re going to be in trouble.  

4. Aggressiveness:

Studies have found that those who are yelled at consistently become more aggressive. 

5. Increased stress levels:

Yelling and screaming lead to increased stress levels and negative mental health in you and your child. There is a famous quote by Mark Twain who said, 

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”

What can you do?

Yes, parenting is not easy, and raising kids into successful adults can be one of the toughest jobs there is out there. But when you are in a position to better understand your own emotions and triggers, you can easily modify your parenting style to one that is gentler, firmer, and beneficial for you and your child in the long run.  

Seek the underlying issue

Maybe there are some things in your childhood that you’re still angry about and haven’t addressed yet. Generally, when a person gets angry easily, it could point towards something more serious that needs to be resolved. Anger is a secondary emotion. Underneath this emotion could be a lot of hurt, sadness, frustration, or neglect, which gets released as anger towards those around you. So, if you have been getting angry and frustrated at your kids very easily, sit back and try to get to the bottom of it and figure out why you are so angry. Is there something you can work out?

Seek help if needed

If you need to talk to a professional to resolve some of the issues that you have brushed under the carpet for too long, do it. It’s never too late to seek help. If you’re not in tune with yourself and don’t know what makes you tick, it’s easy to snap. Unfortunately, our children are at the receiving end of this behavior, most of the time. 

In my “Mindful Hearts Academy” program, I teach my clients to switch from being very frustrated to being very focused and clear by controlling our emotions. We can’t just let our emotions take control. You can check out the program under “Course” for which registration is now open. I help you learn to overcome your anger, build your self-esteem, and manage your stress levels. These techniques will make you a more effective parent. You will be more calm, pleasant and happy. When you are in this state of mind, you will be able to relate to your kids in a much healthier way. 

Instead of yelling at kids, screaming, and taking out your frustration from your marriage, work, or finances on your kids, you will become very mindful and control your emotions instead of it controlling you. 

You will learn to connect with your child and hear them out instead of getting angry at them. As parents, we are always in a rush and don’t have a lot of time. This almost always results in us not listening to our kids, but lending an ear is one of the most important secrets to having a healthy parent-child relationship. 

If you want to be heard, you need to stop screaming because when you yell, your child will not tune in. Their minds will turn off. They’re basically putting you on mute.

I want you to hear your kids out. Listen to understand, not to respond. And that’s a hard one for parents because we have a packed schedule and are already thinking about making dinner or going to work, etc. When you listen attentively, you will understand what your child exactly needs or why they are behaving the way they are. This will prevent a lot of yelling and screaming. Your child will respond positively to what you have to say. 

In the Mindful Hearts Academy, I will help you improve your emotional intelligence, manage your emotions, manage your stress, and be an effective communicator. This will make you feel good about yourself, and when that happens, you will definitely be a more prepared parent. You will be the parent your kid’s love. They will want to spend more time with you. 

Join us at Mindful Hearts Academy. Try it for 30 Days Risk-FREE!

May Allah help us raise our children in a manner that pleases Him, and help us in this journey of parenthood, Ameen.